Memories
by perfectwolf
Summary: Sara is done with life, Grissom, and Vegas. When she attempts the unthinkable, the team rushes to find her in time. Dark. GSR in the end I promise. Rating may change. A/U
1. Chapter 1

_Memories were things that could bring both pain and joy. At the moment they were only bringing me pain._

Grissom,

I can't take this anymore. For years I have been playing your game. You would reject me, bring me an inkling of hope, and then push me away. For every step I made in our relationship, if that's what you would call it, you would take two steps back. You know very well how I feel. My heart will forever be yours, whether you want it or not. I'm tired of chasing rabbits. By coming to Vegas I was hoping that I could get you to feel the same as I do; to love me. I guess I was wrong. I trusted you more than I trusted anybody else. But, I guess I shouldn't have expected so much. As a man once said, "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." He was right. Death won't be my greatest loss in life, for I have already died.

Sara

_Now, my memories are what brought me here._

Nick,

Thank you. For everything. You were my first friend here in Vegas, and a brother to me from the beginning. You gave me hope when I had none, and you showed me a good time. You were the first family I ever knew, and my best friend. I truly am sorry. But it can't be helped now.

Sara

_Memories that hurt when I remembered them._

Greg,

You always made me smile. When I was in the worst of moods, you never failed to help me out. Thanks Greggo.

Sara

_I wish I could say I regret bringing myself to this, but I can't._

Cath,

We started out rough, but in the end I'm glad we worked together. You helped me out during hard times and I can't thank you enough.

Sara

_My only regrets were that I couldn't save myself._

Warrick,

You were always the quiet one. Whenever I needed time to think while on the clock, you gave it to me. You never bothered me with questions and always said what I needed to hear. Thank you and Goodbye.

Sara

_And that I didn't say goodbye to my friends who became my family._


	2. Chapter 2

There are memories that shatter your heart. Ones that let you think that leaving won't be so bad. Memories you thought you had forgotten, buried deep where you thought you could never find them. Yet there you are, and here they are and suddenly, you're face to face with them. They're memories of friendships that you once had, and then lost. They're memories of being with those that you are trying to escape.

_Grissom was talking to Sofia in his office. They were so immersed in their conversation they didn't see me passing by. "Let's have dinner, shall we?" They were the words I longed to hear him ask me. The words I said so long ago to him, only to be given a quick no. And there they were, coming from his mouth, yet being given to someone else. I told him he would be too late. I never really thought that he would be. I always thought I would be there when he realized he loved me. He never did, and now, he truly was too late._

_Being told I wasn't worth the risk. Not being good enough for him to waste his time on. Being a stupid little girl he had taught who got her hopes up too high and was way over her head._

Grissom's phone rang. He didn't answer. It rang again and again, but he couldn't look up. His eyes were focused on the piece of paper in front of him. The letter. His phone kept ringing. His emotions shifted faster than he thought possible. Confusion…Doubt…Denial…Anger at his damn phone for not leaving him alone.

"Grissom." He answered, not polite or patient.

"Griss, we have a problem."

"Nick, you'll have to figure it out by yourself, I'm kind of busy at the moment."

"It's Sara."

Those two words caught his interest. Now he could find out about the letter. Find out that this was all a really bad joke. Tell Sara that he was sorry, and that he really did love her.

"What's wrong with Sara, Nicky?" he asked, just to play dumb.

"I found this letter Grissom. It's not good. I think…"

"I know Nicky, grab Warrick and meet me in the break room in 5 minutes." Grissom hung up before waiting for a reply and raced down to ballistics.

"Catherine!" Grissom yelled.

"What Grissom? I'm in the middle of a case. I'm almost done…"

"It can't wait. Follow me." The graveyard supervisor ordered. "NOW!" he added when the blond didn't move.

Walking briskly he passed Trace and gathered Greg in the same rushed manner. He practically ran to the break room, fellow CSI's in tow. He got there to find Nick and Warrick already there, and waiting on the couch.

"Nick, where did you find the letter?"

"What letter? What the hell is going on?" Catherine interrupted.

"Later, Nick, where did you find the letter?" Grissom asked more harshly.

"In my locker." Was the Texan's response.

"Mine too. Guys, run to your lockers and look for a plain white envelope." Grissom ordered.

Getting confused looks from his team, they filed out and sprinted to the locker room. Not wanting to make the already irritated Grissom even angrier, they ran back without opening the letters they found in their lockers.

"Open them." He half yealled half pleaded. His team obeyed. They pulled out the sheets of paper and read them. Grissom and Nick watched as horror spread across each of their faces, one by one.

"We have to find her. Now." Grissom said barely above a whisper.

Upon seeing her supervisor in a dysfunctional mode, Catherine immediately took charge. "We're going to her apartment. I'm driving." The guys and Catherine raced to the Denali and piled in. Going way above the speed limit to get to an apartment where they're friend lived.

A/N Hey this is my first time writing. Let me know what you guys think.


	3. Chapter 3

There are the memories that rip out your heart. Things that have showed you the horrors life has. They are the things that are not there for you when you needed it the most and also the things that were taken away when you were most vulnerable. They're the ones that no matter how hard you try, they'll always be there. Day and night, they are forever in your heart. They are memories that you once lived through, and never wanted to look back.

_All of my life has been like a horror film. It began with a murder. When my mother killed my father, she never noticed me standing in the doorway. She didn't see me when she drove the knife into my father's back, and she didn't hear me as I screamed and ran to my room. And, just when life started to get better, it became worse._

_I remember waking up in my college dorm, and screaming and the pressure of an alcohol smelling hand pressed against my mouth. I remember the weight on my chest and the roughness of the person on top of me. I recall be violated in every way. And I recall crying, not only from the pain, but in fear, frustration, and confusion. I fell asleep in tears that night, with the full moon shining through the window. I never reported the man who raped me, though I knew his name. And my only witness to the crime was the moon, the only thing that has never betrayed my secrets._

_Then there was Melissa. She showed me that you never know a person. She was a person I trusted and liked. She showed me that sometimes you can't even trust your friends. Just like Grissom showed me that dreams don't come true._

I heard a faint knocking. I heard someone calling. It sounded as if someone miles away were shouting through a gag. I could barely hear them. I knew that they found me.

"SARA!" Nick yelled at the top of his lungs while he pounded on the door. No one answered. Nick continued his pounding, shaking the door on its hinges.

"Nick, move before you knock the door down. I got a spare key from the land lord." Catherine said in a tone that made Nick move rather quickly.

Catherine inserted the key and with a faint click, the door flew open. The main room of the apartment was clean as a whistle. It had books neatly stacked on a shelf in a corner and a kitchen that looked as if it had hardly been used.

Greg broke off from the group and walked into the only bedroom in the place. He crossed the bedroom, not taking the time to look around, like he would on any other occasion. He burst into the bathroom and gasped. Before him was the woman he was looking for. Sara Sidle. "Guys, call an ambulance!"

Immediately, Greg heard running from the other room and the dialing of a phone.


	4. Chapter 4

There are the memories that turn your heart to stone. They are the ones that turn yourself against yourself, and prove to you that you truly are worthless. They are memories of failure, and they are the ones that trick you into thinking that you are useless.

_I remember an ambulance. Paramedics rushing around me and sirens blaring as they tried to save me. I kept telling myself that they would fail, and that they were too late. Then I saw him. Hank Pettigrew._

_Hank. I remember him cheating on me. I remember him and his fiancé. He reminded me that I could never choose men who really wanted or even liked me. He showed me that I failed at love, loving, and being loved._

_It was when I found myself in a hospital that I realized that I had once again failed. I could smell the cleanser and whiteness of the room. Not only had I managed to fail at life, but in death as well. I was the ultimate failure._

"You're awake." A voice to my right told me.

Obviously I was awake. It was obvious that I was alive also. I chose not to respond, not knowing or caring to find out who was talking.

"You scared us Sara," the man continued without a reply. "Why would you even attempt suicide?"

Now, I was slightly interested in who was talking. I wanted to know who thought they knew me well enough to say that I shouldn't have done what I did. But, in the end, my pride won. I would not turn over and face the talking man, and I would remain silent until he left.

"Sara, answer me! I think we deserve answers."

WE? It was only then that I heard the shuffling of feet and the adjusting of weight. There was more than one person in this room.

"SARA! I know you can hear me."

In all honesty, I was pissed off now. I thought I made it pretty clear that I wasn't going to talk. I turned around, ready to face the idiot who challenged me. I came face to face with an angry Grissom. My eyes broke off from his, and scanned the rest of the room. Shoved inside the tiny area was the rest of the team. I looked at them, purposely avoiding eye contact with Grissom. I felt his cold, blue eyes stare penetrating me, and finally giving in, I stared straight back.

"Why?"

"Why not," I countered. The one phrase we were taught to say when suspects questioned our actions.

"Sara…"

I cut him off there. Angry that he wouldn't leave me alone, I started shouting. I shouted the first things that entered my head, not caring what I said or if I hurt him in the process.

"It's not like you care, Grissom! For years I have asked you to care. What did I get for my actions? I got rejected. Rejected and pushed away. I gave up on you Grissom. Why do you even want to know? It's not like I was a big part of your life anyways. I don't think it'd make much of a difference to you if I was gone anyways. It wasn't like I was a big part of your life. The others, I can understand. They showed me that they cared about me, that they wanted to be my friend. You, you haven't done anything for me. I came to Vegas for YOU. I left my home and all my old friends for YOU. I gave up my old job for YOU. And after all that I gave up for YOU, you haven't done anything to even suggest that you want me here. All you told me was that you needed me, wait no, you didn't need me, the lab did."

I finished my soliloquy out of breath. I gasped for breath, but kept my death glare directed at him. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the team looking down and hoping that they weren't notice. I could tell that they didn't want to be there when I was in my rage, yet they didn't have the heart to leave Grissom with me alone. I felt they're pity. Though I didn't know who it was they pitied, me or Grissom, I just knew I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me.

"Sara," Grissom said after the initial shock to what I said wore off, "You came to Vegas by yourself, I didn't make you do anything." He said in an angry voice, though he wasn't yelling.

_I was right; he didn't care about me in the slightest. I was an unwanted failure._

A/N Lemme know how what you think! I'm always open to ideas, if you really want something to happen let me know and I'll try to put it in!!!


	5. Chapter 5

There are memories of better times, times when things were simple. When pain wasn't felt often and happiness was only a smile away. They're memories of times when friends who always stuck by your side, and having the knowledge that someone in the world wanted you. They are the memories you share with your closest friends, ones you thought would always be there.

_I had always thought Grissom would be my friend. Back in San Francisco, he told me we would be friends 'til time ended. He lied. He wasn't my friend anymore, only a burden that I lived with. I was a burden to him, and he to me, only he was a burden that I will never be able to get rid of. He was the burden of love. It is my heaviest load and the one that hurts me the most._

_I wish that I could go back in time. I wish I could relive the times in San Francisco, and enjoy the times when simply shared laughter. The times when we talked freely and that night we spent together my apartment. I guess I just want life to be simple again. I know that I dream too big._

He didn't know why he said what he said. It just slipped from his mouth before he could stop himself. He regretted it as soon as he saw that look in Sara's eyes. It wasn't a look he knew. And he thought he knew all her looks. He tried to figure out what she was thinking, but she turned away too quickly.

"Sara…" Grissom started to attempt an apology.

"Leave me alone, Grissom." It was an emotionless response.

"Sara, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"I doubt that. Go away." Sara said, clearly dismissing Grissom .When she didn't hear him leave, she used the one thing she knew that would work. "Brass, get Grissom to go away."

Brass walked up behind Grissom and yanked him out of the room. With all the attention on Sara and Grissom, nobody had noticed that the cop had entered the room.

Outside the room, door firmly shut, Brass was free to say anything he wanted to Grissom, with no fear of upsetting Sara.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He yelled at Grissom, drawing wandering eyes towards them.

"I didn't mean it," was the only reply Grissom could think of.

"Do you honestly think Sara believes that?"

"I don't know."

"Well you can bet your sorry ass that she won't be letting you back in anytime soon."

Grissom had no comment. He knew that Brass was right. With nothing more to say, he just turned and walked off, looking half bitter and half regretful. For the life of him, Brass had no idea as to why Grissom would be angry.

When Brass reentered Sara's room, he came upon another argument.

"Come on Sara, just stay with me."

"No Nick, I don't need your pity or help."

"Look, it's either stay with me or go to the Wacky House."

"I don't get why I can't just go home."

"Because we want to know that you'll be safe. Yes, we as in all of us. Believe it or not we care about you Sara."

Sara turned on her side, ignoring the others in the room. She was done with the conversation. All she wanted was to be alone. She got her wish. The team slowly filed out of the room, getting the hint.

"I'll get your answer tomorrow." Nick told Sara, closing the door behind him. She was alone. Finally.


	6. Chapter 6

There are the small memories, mostly memories that come in fragments. Yet, somehow you know exactly where they belong. When they were and why it happened. They're moments with friends, and they're moments that can only happen once. They are the moments that can tell us "I should have lived while I had the chance." And, at the moment, they're bittersweet.

_I remember being at the diner, eating with friends, and laughing more than I have in a long time. I remember not thinking twice about what was going on around me, and not enjoying them as much as I could have. I wish I had something to laugh and smile about now. I should have lived while I could have. It just goes to show me that I didn't live life to the fullest._

_Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "He who has a why to live can bear almost anyhow." I had no why to live. So, why was I still alive? What went wrong? I know that I took enough pills to OD. I calculated it myself, and I never mess up calculations. Was it possible that they found me in time to…_

"Sara, what's your answer?"

"Huh?" I lost my train of thought. It had something to do with my stomach.

"Sara, are you going to stay with me."

"You pumped my stomach." I said, not paying attention to what Nick was saying.

"Yes, we did Sara, no are you staying with me?"

No, I belong in the Crazy Home, just like my crazy mother.

"Sure…" I said just to please him. I didn't really want to go with him; he was just felt sorry for me, though I hated hospitals. Hospitals were worse than the alternative, so I decided to just go with Nick. After all, I wouldn't be staying long.

"Sara, I'm not doing this because I pity you." Nick stated, trying to get Sara to stop thinking she was unwanted. "Do you remember the time we went out for a drink with Warrick, after the almost promotion?"

Of course, it was when I almost got a DUI.

I nodded, letting him know I recognized the moment, without uttering a word.

"Even though you didn't get the promotion, you told me that we will still always be friends. I'm your friend Sara, and I'm worried about you. I don't want you doing something stupid again, and it would help me a lot if I just knew you were safe."

"Its fine Nicky, I'll go with you."

"Alright, good. You get released from this place tomorrow. And, Sara, would you mind explaining why you would try and kill yourself? I mean, you've always seemed so happy whenever we were at the diner or going out for drinks."

"Not now, Nick." _Not ever._

"Alright, no need to answer, I was just wondering, thats all."

He left without another question. For that I was thankful. I wasn't for those memories he brought up. Once again, there it was. Times I should have enjoyed while they were happening. Times I should have taken down some of my barriers and had fun. People just didn't understand why dying seemed like the better choice in my life. Though, I can't blame them. They don't know much of anything about me, and I never gave them the chance to learn. My secrets were mine. Everyone has secrets; mine just seemed to be bigger.

A/N Please Review. They keep me writing. Seriously.


	7. Chapter 7

There are memories that take your heart to war. One part of you wants to forget that it ever happened, while the other half wants to hold on to the memory, for it's all you have left. They are the memories that are in the center of your heart, always there and always troubling you. They are the memories that become your darkest secrets, but also the memories that form who you are.

_When I was a child, my mother killed my father. I was sent to foster care, and I moved from home to home. I have only told one person about my past, and he is the one I tried to escape. I always tried to forget that I was the odd child. The child who had a murder gene encoded within her. Yet, I never did forget. I blocked out the emotions that showed that I was ashamed of being part of my past. And now, I am me. A became the antisocial kid, all because I didn't want the taunts to show how weak I was. They would make me cry until the tears refused to come._

_I swore off crying, and it worked, until the night Grissom came. It was the night I told him about me. The first time I opened up in a long time. It brought me hope; hope that he would love me. It was a false hope. And as much as I want to forget that in a moment of weakness I broke down and tore down all the walls I had carefully build, I couldn't. He was all I had left. He made me feel the one emotion that I couldn't stop, the only one that kept me grounded to Vegas. Love._

Nick came to pick me up as promised. The drive to his place was a silence contest. I was determined not to talk, and he was trying not to pry into my life. I had to give him that much, I really appreciated him not asking me the hard questions. The ones both he and I knew that I wasn't going to answer.

When I stepped into his apartment, I saw a lot of pictures. Most of them were of his family. All of his sisters and his parents took up a whole wall. Then I saw it, me. He had added me to his family pictures. All these years he had considered me his sister, not just in a replacement way, but in a real way. I was part of his family now. It made me feel better, in a way. He did care about me, and better yet, he didn't pity me. He loved me, not the sort of love that I had once felt for Grissom, but the kind you share with family members. The kind that no matter how hard you fight it, it is always there. Love, the one emotion I never blocked out, and the one emotion that is keeping me from running away.

"Sara, I have the guest room all set up for you. And the fridge is stocked with all sorts of rabbit food, so feel free to help yourself."

"Thanks Nicky. And you stocked the fridge just for me." At least he remembered I was a vegetarian, unlike somebody else.

"It was no problem. Though, I still can't see how you can stand to eat such things. No meat, you must be crazy."

"It's not so hard Nicky; you should try it some time." I was smiling. I knew I was.

"Nah, I'll pass on that offer. After all Sara, there's nothing better than a Texan roast!"

I laughed. Men were impossible when it came to separating them from their meat. Nick smiled, he was happy that I was happy.

"So, what're you gonna do all day?"

What was I going to do? I hated doing nothing, and there was no way I was going to make Nick miss a day of work to entertain me.

"I'm going to work."

"What?!? So soon? Sara you just got released from the hospital. There is no way you should be working."

"Nick, I can handle it. It's not like I'm going to drop dead from working." Hmmm, maybe dead wasn't the best word to use.

"What about…" Nick stopped his sentence. I knew what he was trying to say. He was trying not to cross a line with me. Good idea. But, I was going to make him finish his sentence. We were both thinking the same thing anyways.

"What about what, Nick?"

"…Grissom…"

"I'll avoid him, like I used to."

"Alright, but I still don't think this is a good idea."

Smart Nick!!!! He already knows he won't win an argument with me.

"Thanks Nick."

I was going to work, the one thing that kept me busy. Maybe I'll try and work a double.

A/N Hey, sorry for the delay, I've been mega busy!!!! All mistakes are mine, for I have no beta. Any offers???


	8. Chapter 8

There are memories of lost time. The memories that are a few days long, yet it's all blurry, and all the clear memories can be summed up rather quickly. Five days worth of events become five minutes. It's the times when time blends together. These are the memories of the ordinary day. The memories that happen every day, nothing particularly funny of mind blowing about them. However, it is these memories that seem to bring a sense of neutrality. It gives us routine, which is what every human truly wants.

_When I worked, it kept me from feeling and thinking. It kept the unwelcome emotions from overflowing into me. Work was my haven. It was my safe place. A place where I could hide my true thoughts and feelings from myself. The lab was where I hid, and it worked, unless some cases brought back my past. But the occasional nightmare was better than a daily one._

Nick pulled up to the lab. I was shaking. I didn't want to face Grissom. I remembered the anger in his eyes during his visit to the hospital, and was not in a hurry to see it again.

"Nick, go on ahead of me, I'll meet you in the break room in a moment."

Nick looked hesitant. He didn't want to leave me. He saw I was shaking, and decided not to leave.

"I can wait Sara, it's not like I'm in a hurry anyways."

So much for a minute to compose myself.

"Never mind, let's go."

"Alright."

Nick walked to the entrance of the lab, me following at his heels. I entered the lab and was tackled. Struggling to breath, I wriggled around in somebody's arms. I looked up and saw Greg.

"Greggo, you're crushing me…" I gasped, hoping he would let go before I became a patient of Doc. Then again, I guess I wouldn't mind too much. If I died now, I wouldn't have to see Grissom. On the other hand, I couldn't hurt Nicky like that. He cared about me, I was his family.

"Sorry Sara, but I missed you."

I laughed at the puppy face Greg gave me. Through all his lame jokes, I figured that he cared about me too. After all, I was his teacher in a way and I always did enjoy poking fun at him. Greg got me to laugh when I thought it impossible. He was the source of the little laughter I have.

"Yah, hey maybe we could get together for dinner or something later."

"It's a date!" Greggo smiled and sorta skipped down the halls of the lab. It made me laugh again. A new record, twice in a few hours.

"You haven't told them that I'm staying with you have you?"

"Nope, I didn't think that'd go over well with the boss man or your boyfriend."

"Greg is SO not my boyfriend, he's just hopeful."

"I'll meet you in the break room."

I nodded and took off to the bathroom. I figured I should pee before shift so that I wouldn't have to pass Grissom's office during shift. I assumed that he wouldn't be here yet, so I thought it safe. I should have known better. Everyone knows that Grissom's a workaholic. I saw him while I was walking out of the bathroom. He had the assignment papers in his hand. I raced back to the break room, going in the opposite direction of him. It was twice as long, and by the time I was there I was panting. I plopped down on the sofa next to Cath and Greg just as he walked in.

He looked at me and then thought for a moment. He opened his mouth and I hoped to the god I'm not sure existed that he wouldn't tell me to go home.

"Nick, Warrick, DB in Henderson."

I let out a sigh of relief. Then I saw that grin of his. Oh hell no.

"Greg," Grissom took a pause to breath. I begged him to say my name. "and Catherine, B&E in Summerlin."

I was in hell now. That son of a bitch put me with himself. What the hell was wrong with him? Hadn't he punished me enough?

"Sara, you're with me. We got a domestic violence case. I'll drive, meet me in 10 minutes."

Did his brain get smaller in the past week? I'm pretty sure he knew I hated domestic violence cases. In fact, in telling him my past I thought he would pull me off these cases so that I didn't kill the next suspect. Yup, he hated me.

Everyone stared to leave, so I picked up my kit and walked as slowly as possible to the car. This was going to be a fun car ride.

A/N Heya, please review. Oh and I'm going to try and get a few new chapters up to make up for yesterday. :P


	9. Chapter 9

There are the memories that have two faces. They are the ones that you sometimes pretend not to hear, but when you do it always makes you smile on the inside. They are the ones that you enjoy on the inside, and keep the perfect poker face on the outside. They come with random memories, memories that spring up from the recesses of your mind just for this occasion.

_I remember lashing out at Grissom. I made the anger fade a little. There were many times I did this, and now, each time I remember doing it, I smiled. It made me feel better that I can make his life miserable, just like he was making mine. I know it's a little mean, but he has put me through hell. I thought our past would make him accept me when I got here. I was wrong. I was his little San Francisco distraction. I tried to leave many times, telling him I didn't care or doing what he wanted me to do least. It hurt him. I know it. For each time he stayed locked in his office and then gave a speech on how the lab needed me. He didn't want me to leave because then the lab could fall from its position as number two lab in the nation. Right now, I wanted Grissom as miserable as I was._

The car was silent. I liked it. I wouldn't say a word to him, if he didn't say a word to me. He seemed to read my mind. I wanted the silence, he broke it.

"Sara, about what I said in the hospital…"

"Drop it Grissom. I get it, you don' give a damn about me."

"Sara, I didn't mean it."

"I doubt that," I told him, echoing the words I said to him in the hospital.

Obviously frustrated that I didn't believe him, he stopped talking. I liked that.

"Sara, what can I do to make it up to you?"

Why didn't he just drop it? Alright, I decided that if he wouldn't drop the discussion, I would force him to.

"Grissom, remember when I asked you to dinner?"

Obviously in discomfort, he hesitated before saying, "Yes."

"You turned me down without a second thought…"

"Sara, I can explain that.

I ignored what he was saying and continued talking while he interrupted.

"but that's not my point, I told you that one day you may be too late. Today's that day, congrats Gris, you're too late. You know, when I said that I never actually thought that you could be too late. Well, you are now, and I don't give a damn what you say, because I'm only here for the lab for you know very well that that's the only reason you wouldn't let me leave."

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something. I continued talking randomly, just so he couldn't say anything.

"You have known for years that I loved you. You didn't do anything about it. What makes you think that now, after all the shit you put me through, that'd I'd still care for you."

It was a lie, I still love him, and I could never stop loving him, even if I wanted to. And believe me, I wanted to. It didn't forgive him though, and I was still VERY pissed at him.

"Say sorry all you want it won't fix anything. To you, I'm just the girl you hired and laid from San Francisco. Well after all the years, you ignored me. I hate you Grissom, you are a living hell."

I quickly glanced at him; just to be sure he heard me. He did. I smiled.

"I don't believe you."

"You don't have to."

He was right, in a way. I still loved him, barely, but I did hate him, for all he's done to me. He was about to say something when I saw him. Thank god, he was assigned here. Grissom pulled into the scene, and I hopped out of the Denali, before he could ask again. With my kit in hand I ran to Brass.

A/N You guys could probably guess Sara's secret and what is going to happen next. Oh well. Review if you like!!!


	10. Chapter 10

There are the memories that make you smile. They are the memories of true friendship. These memories come when your friends help you out, even if you didn't want it. It is these memories that make you feel needed. They give you proof that people know and care that you exist.

_I remember the hurt I felt from Hank. Along with that, I remember the comfort Catherine brought me when she offered a solace. She brought me out for drinks, and took my mind off things. She helped me with the pain in her own little way._

_Brass was like this too. Whenever Grissom screwed up, he was always there. Always telling me that he would kick Grissom's ass for being such an idiot. It always made me smile, him offering a reprisal for what he did to me. It helped me in more ways than I could explain. He was the father I always wanted, but never had._

Sara rushed past Brass, telling him over her shoulder that she would be doing the perimeter.

"What's the hurry?" Brass questioned, when Sara past him without a simple hello.

Sara glanced behind her and took off again. Totally confused, Brass followed her gaze and stared straight at the problem. Grissom.

Grissom walked towards the crime scene. He took the mistake of passing Brass, first.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Brass demanded.

"What?"

"You assigning yourself to case with Sara, especially a domestic violence case."

"It was a…"

"Don't tell me it was a coincidence, I'm not an idiot. You know very well which cases you give to who."

"I thought I'd be able to talk to her."

"Are you losing your memory, or are you just stupid? I told you to leave her alone for awhile. What in the hell makes you think that she'd forgive you after the piece of shit you told her in the hospital?"

"I told her I was sorry."

"Sorry doesn't always cut it. And why in the world would you send her on a domestic violence case? Are you TRYING to betray her trust? She told you about her past, what makes you think that she told you so that you could stick her in a living nightmare?"

"Well, I figured that she' d open up and accept my apology more if she was in an unfavorable environment."

"You know, for a smart guy your kinda stupid. How long have you known Sara?"

"A number of years."

"And in those years, how many times has she totally lost it and opened up without you forcing her to?

"Well, if you count the time I went to her apartment and she…"

"That would be why she told you, you made her. You WENT TO HER APARTMENT. Grissom, especially now, she will not go to you if she's hurt. Now if I were you, I would leave her alone on this case, especially since she probably figures you put her here because you hate her."

"I don't hate her though."

"Then show it. Give her space, show her that you care. Go to her; don't make her come to you. And don't do things that will make me have to come and kick your ass."

Brass left Grissom standing there to ponder on what he had said. He entered the house to find Sara looking sadly at the body of a badly abused wife.

"Hey, I thought you were doing the perimeter."

"I finished."

"That was quick."

"I finished the rest of the house too."

"How? It's only been 15 minutes."

"I didn't need to do much. You don't need much evidence to see that the husband did it. He has blood all over his hands."

"You don't know that. You can't just assume that the husband committed the crime."

"He confessed too."

"When?" Brass was not following Sara. He hadn't even seen the husband, much less heard a confession from him.

"He called, check the answering machine."

Brass walked over to the answering machine that sat on the kitchen counter. He saw that there was a new message. He hit the play button and heard a male voice talking. He listened as the man confessed to the abuse and murder of his wife, and then heard a gunshot.

"He called earlier and I heard his voice while he left the message. We're basically done here, can you give me a lift back to the lab."

"Sure, I'll have another officer come by as Grissom finishes up."

"Thanks." Sara said, smiling. It was apparent that she was glad she was getting out of the house. But, there was something else. Something that was bothering her. Brass ignored it and drove her back to the lab. He didn't see her for the rest of the day. He heard that she clocked out early. Sara Sidle never clocked out early. He began to worry and headed to her apartment after shift.

A/N hey sorry I didn't upload any chapters yestersday. Modays are my worst day :P Review, It make the computer work faster, I swear.


	11. Chapter 11

There are memories of regret. It is these memories that you hold deep in your heart. You think about them every day, and every day you wish you had done something different. They are memories that you desperately want to share with some, but can't. They are the memories that are a constant reminder that you can't do anything right. And they are the ones that show their face, right when you had come to peace with the situation.

_I remembered that face. The one of the abused wife. I had seen it over 10 years ago, but it was a face of importance. It was the face of her. Well, it was a look alike; the wife had red hair and brown eyes, instead of blond and green. She looked too much like the woman I trusted more than anyone. The mother of Kara._

_Kara, my daughter. I had given her up when she was born. I couldn't afford a child. And, as much as I despise the system, I put her in it. I didn't deserve her. I didn't want my child growing up living off of nothing and having a mother with a murder gene. I had given her to a family I trusted. I picked them out of tons of others, but they were the one. She was safe._

_Most people would hate me for what I had done. I had given up my only child. I hated myself for it too. I can never forgive myself for giving her up. It was my biggest regret. But she was happy. Happier than she would have been if she was with me. It took me a long time to realize that, even longer to accept that. It was when I let her go was when I lost all my ties to Earth. Now she was back. I desperately hoped that she wasn't in the same situation I lived through during my childhood. After what I saw today I needed to be sure she was okay. But I didn't know how to find her. I hadn't seen her in years, let alone knew what she looked like. And after all these years, I couldn't even tell the father that he had a daughter. The father who hated me._

I heard a knock on the door. It was persistent and loud. I wasn't in the mood for talking, so I wasn't going to. Kara had popped back into my life again, and she didn't even know my name.

"SARA, OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!!!" hollered a voice. It was Brass. He made me open the door. He would knock it down if he had to. My wooden door creaked open to reveal his face. He didn't look happy. Then again, he didn't look angry. If he wasn't angry, why was he yelling at me?

"We need to talk."

"Jim, I'm fine." I told him. He didn't believe me. I didn't blame him. He was always able to detect my lies.

"Sara, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You always say that."

Do I? I never really noticed. I'll have to change that.

"Sara, we have a problem."

"If the problem is Grissom, I don't want to hear it." I was getting up already, for Brass was a close friend of Grissom's and a lot of the times, his messenger.

"It's not Grissom."

I sat back down.

"Sara, is there a reason that you are listed as next of kin for a young girl? The girl's name as I recall is Kara."

Kara. The name that was always on my mind. Now more than ever. Why was he talking about her next of kin, what had happened to her "mother"?

"Yes, I am her next of kin, what about it?" Yes, her adoptive mother, Liana had listed me as Kara's guardian, if anything happened to her. It was one thing I liked about her.

"Sara, the mother of the girl has died of cancer. The paperwork for the girl went to the lab. Ecklie owed me a favor and so he gave the papers to me. Sara, the wife from the case today; she looks like the mother. What's going on?"

"Where's Kara?" It was the only thing on my mind.

"At the hospital, why?"

"I'm going to pick her up." I stood up and grabbed my jacket. I started walking to the door when he stopped me. I was going to find my daughter, no matter what the cost. I gave Brass the death glare, the one that would send most the guys in the lab hiding for cover. He didn't budge. Stubborn ass.

"I'm going with you."

"No, you're not." There was no way I was going to suffer through his "You should have told Grissom" speech, and his questions in one car ride.

"Yah, I think I am. You don't know what hospital to go to."

Brass was an ass.

A/N Review Review Review, you know you want to.


	12. Chapter 12

There are the memories that of those you miss. They are the memories of when you said goodbye, and never saw them again. They are the memories of people that are always on your mind. It doesn't matter how long ago it was, you can remember their exact features, eye color, hair color, the way they smiled. And when you finally see them again, it's like the world has finally come together. Nothing else matters, but the person in front of you.

_She had brown eyes and brown hair, just like me. She weighed 7.5 pounds and was the most beautiful thing in the world. Her name is Kara. It never occurred to me that Kara rhymed with Sara, until the birth certificate was signed. It was a joke of Liana's. She told me that now I would always be a part of her. I wished that I could have been a part of her life as well. I said goodbye to her when she was born, and never saw her again. I lost all contact with my child when I was attacked. I was seeing her now._

"So Sara, who's this Kara chick?"

"A person of importance." I was going to evade the truth for as long as I could.

"Why were you listed as next of kin?"

"I'm the only one left that she could go to."

She'd have to stay in the spare room of my apartment. It was small; I hope she won't be too cramped.

"Surely she has an aunt that she could go to."

"Not really."

I would have to move her stuff from the old house. I wonder how she's coping with Liana's death.

"Why are you avoiding my questions?"

"You ask too many."

Brass sighed. He was giving up on getting any information from me. He wasn't going to get much anyways.

"We're here." I stated the obvious. I got out of the car and walked into the hospital. I went to the clerk and asked for Kara. She told me that she was sitting in the waiting room. I left, not waiting for Brass. He was behind me soon enough without me waiting.

Following me closely, Brass walked into the white walled waiting room with me. There was only one person in there. A little 9 year old girl with curly brown hair and dark brown eyes. The spitting image of me. Shit. Brass would surely figure it out now.

"Hi Kara, my name's Sara."

She smiled at me. It was my smile. "Hi," she said. "Are you here to take me to your house?"

"Yes, I am." She wasn't very upset at the loss of her "mother".

"Sara, can I talk to you for a minute?" Brass figured it out. Shit.

I sighed. "Yah. Kara, I'll be right back."

Brass led me out of earshot of the child. "Who's the father?"

Well, I wasn't just going to give up the information. I was going to make him work for it.

"The father of who?"

"Your daughter, Sara. I'm not stupid you know, she's a younger you, anyone can see that you're related."

"Alright, fine, she is my daughter. The father is none of your business."

I left and went back to my girl. She was sitting patiently.

"Hello mother." She greeted me.

That was not what I expected to hear.

A/N I know it's short, sorry. I'll try an put another chapter up later. REVIEW!!!


	13. Chapter 13

There are the memories that are beyond your wildest imagination. They are the ones that when you look back, you never expected to happen. The random turn of events and what they led into. They are the ones you can't judge. They're just surprising.

_I remember the uncolored wall of the room. There was a single, king sized bed and a T.V. sitting across from it. That was all I remembered. I was focused on other things. Things like a naked Grissom lying next to me. He was asleep with his arms wrapped around my body. I couldn't believe what happened. I never expected to sleep with Grissom, let alone have his child. Then again, I never would have expected him to reject me once I left California and came to Vegas. I was his one night stand. I never thought I would bear the child of a man who didn't love me. I never expected a lot of things._

"Mother?"

"You are my mom, aren't you?"

"I am. I just didn't expect you to know that."

"My other mom told me. She told me everything about you. She said that when she left, I would go with you."

"Oh, okay then. Ready to go?"

"Yup."

"Alright then. I was thinking we could go and pick up some of your things."

"They're already packed. My other mom knew that she was going to leave soon, she wanted me as ready as possible."

She was avoiding the word dead. She spoke as if Liana was still alive.

"Aren't you sad that Liana is…gone?"

"Yah, but she's not gone. She told me that she will always be with me, even after she…died."

Kara said the word "died" with pain. I didn't blame her. And she was right in a way. When somebody died, that didn't mean they left us. As long as we still loved them and kept them alive in our hearts, they were still alive.

I took her hand in mine, and we walked out of the hospital. Together. Mother and daughter. I sat her in the back of the car, with Brass in the front. I drove to her old home, and there we picked up all her things. Brass helped with the boxes. He didn't ask questions. I was grateful for that. Then again, the only time he was ever quiet was when he was thinking about something. By the way he was stealing glances at Kara, she was on his thoughts. I knew he was trying to figure out who the father was. I also knew that he would guess it right.

I brought her to my apartment that evening. She was settling in quite nicely.

"I'm sorry the room is so small. I'm going to try and find a new place to stay soon. We're going to need more room." I told her while she inspected her new room.

"It's okay." She reassured me many times during her unpacking.

I ordered take out. I didn't want to poison my child on her first day. Brass left us for dinner. He made very sure to let me know that he would be back with more questions. I could see it in his eyes.

The food came. We ate, talking about small, unimportant things. Then it occurred to me what day it was.

"Tomorrow's Monday." It never really mattered to me what day it was before.

"Mmhmm." Kara acknowledged me through a mouthful of food.

"Do you want to go to school tomorrow, or do you want to take the day off?"

"…" Kara was evidently thinking about it.

"Hey, you've been through a lot. If you want to take off tomorrow, its fine by me. Although, if you're not at school tomorrow, you'll need to come with me to the lab for a few minutes so I can talk to my boss about the day off. After that, we could go look for a new place to stay."

My proposal seemed to win her over. She would skip school the next day. All I had to do was call in and let the school know. What school did she go to?

"Kara, what school do you go to?"

"Kennedy Acadamy."

"The school for gifted children?"

Kara blushed slightly before nodding. I should have known she would be smart. Look at her father.

"Alright, I'll call them and let them know you won't be there the next day."

I did. Not before I found out that she had my last name. When did that happen?

"Kara, when did you change your last name?"

"I never changed my last name."

"So you've gone by Sidle all your life?"

"Yup, Mom said that I wasn't her blood daughter, I was yours."

I smiled. She knew more than I gave her credit for. "She still loved you more that a real daughter anyways." I told her to reassure her.

"I know."

It was silent for awhile. I was just enjoying my daughter's company. Kara, well, she looked deep into thought.

"Do you love me?"

"What?" Did I just hear what I think she said?

"Do you love me?"

Well, she doesn't beat around the bush. She said what she thought. That was good…I think.

"More than you know."

She smiled. I smiled. She was my life now. This was going to be an interesting, new life.

A/N No, Kennedy Acadamy is not a real school. I needed a name and it worked. Oh and hey, look, there's still time in the day for another chapter. Review if you want the next chapter today. :P


	14. Chapter 14

There are silly things, unimportant moments of your past that you thought you had left, long interred in the back of your mind. But suddenly as you face this…thing, they're all you can think about. They're the only thing you can think about and all the sudden you realize that sometimes the small things are the most important.

_I remember walking through these halls. I can remember hearing murmurs and whispers. It was the lab grapevine. I was always a subject in it. Who would sleep with me first? Grissom won that before the pool even started. Who would I go on a date with first? Greg tried very hard to win that one. And, most importantly, the Why did I move here one. Most said I moved here for Grissom. They were right. I remember realizing that the grapevine was correct most the time. It was unimportant back then. It was now._

I walked nervously past the receptionist area. Kara holding my hand tightly, walked slightly behind me. Her head couldn't turn faster, as she tried to take in everything she saw. She had the same curiosity as I did when I was young. I made my way slowly through the halls, making sure my baby wouldn't break her neck from turning her head too fast. Whispers followed me to the break room. They all wanted to know one thing; why Sara Sidle, the woman who didn't get along at all with young kids, had a little girl in tow.

Sara ignored all the comments about her daughter. She sat on a couch in the break room, pulling the girl close.

"Kara, when some friends of mine come, will you stay with them for awhile?"

"Sure, can I play with the big machines?"

"We'll see. I'll try and work it out." I told her, laughing. She was so going to get along with Greggo.

Right on cue, the gang walked in, arguing as usual.

"I'm telling you Greg, there is no way she's going to give you her number." Catherine said, bursting Greg's bubble.

"You don't know that."

"I have a good…" Nick trailed off. His eyes met with mine and then with Kara's. Everyone's did.

"Sar, who's the cutie?" Warrick asked, completely confused.

"This is Kara. Kara, this is Nick, Greg, Warrick, and Catherine." I introduced her to them, pointing to each of them as I said their names.

"Hey Kara," they all said not at all in unison.

Kara smiled. She was more than eager to meet new people. Especially, since they were friends of her new mom.

"Greggo, can you take Kara and show her how to use some of the equipment and stuff. She wants to see it work."

"Uhh, sure Sara."

"Sweet, thanks I'll be back in a moment, I just have to take care of something real quick. Don't let Ecklie catch you. Have fun Kara."

I left, but not before I heard Nick ask the question.

"Kara, how do you know Sara?" I heard him ask faintly. Well, that didn't take long. Soon the whole lab will know about her before I could get to Grissom. I stopped to hear what she said.

"She's my mom."

Mom, it was word I never thought I'd enjoy hearing so much. I was the mother of a girl, whose father I didn't know she existed.

I kept walking in the direction of Grissom's office. I heard the words Sara and mother in the same sentence somewhere ahead of me. Man, the grapevine worked fast. I sped up, hoping to out run the news. I needed to tell Grissom first. I didn't make it. I saw Hodges whispering to Grissom in his office. He looked up to me with unreadable, blue eyes. Hodges was such a kiss ass.

A/N Okay, so i decided that the best readers in the world deserved another chapter. Hope you like. I know it's short. RRR, Read, Review and Review again!!!


	15. Chapter 15

There are the memories that your mind savors. They evolve around one thing and one thing only. They are the events that your mind remembers most clearly, for they are the ones about somebody important. The most important person to you. The memories shift, one year they can be about one person, and the next year, they're about someone different. No matter, these memories are always clear, ingrained, and forever.

_I remember Grissom. Every little detail about him. The way he looked at me when we first met at the seminar. The anger in his eyes that day in the hospital. The way he always looked down when he didn't want to face me. I remember everything he ever told me, and sometimes I threw it back at him. He was my first and only love. Love, not lust. He used to be the center of my world, the thing that kept me grounded. He wasn't anymore. I let him go the day I took the pills. I lived. I found something to replace him. I found a new person who grounded me to Earth. Kara. She was my daughter, and the person I loved the most._

Grissom stated at Sara as she came toward him, her walking slowing considerably since she saw Hodges leave. She walked as if she had somewhere to go, but didn't want to end up there. Grissom didn't leave his chair. He shuffled his hands and took off his glasses. Sara approached the door.

"Can I come in?" Sara asked as if she didn't belong, and she wasn't sure she wanted to enter his office in the first place.

"Sure, sit down," Grissom said, using his hands to show her that he wasn't going to bite…hard. "Sara, do you have something you want to...share?"

"Uhhh…I would like to change to days."

"Anything else?"

"Swing would work too, if there's no open position in days."

"And…"

"Well, I figure you already know what else. Why do you want to hear it again?" Sara was irritated. Irritated Sara was bad. Grissom started to hide behind his desk as his survival instincts started to kick in.

"I wanted to make sure the grapevine was true, I didn't want to falsely accuse you of anything."

"It is. It usually is."

"Alright, then I assume you want to change shifts so you can spend time with your daughter." It wasn't a question. Grissom said daughter as if the word was poison. The sheer thought of Sara sleeping with a man, let alone having his child made him feel bitter.

"Yes, Grissom, I need to tell you something…"

"And where has your daughter been for the last…"

"She's turns 9 in two months, and..."

"Where's she been the last 8 and a half years?" Grissom interrogated, pretending to be harsh. In reality, he was stating to wonder about the child. Who was the father?

"Well, if you would let me finish you would have had you answer," Sara said, starting to defend herself. "For your information, she's been away. And Grissom, you need to know…" Sara stopped; she couldn't get herself to say it. Say the word she was positive would make Grissom explode.

"Need to know what Sara?" Grissom said gently, and was calculating at the same time. 8 years and 10 months ago plus nine months was 9 years and 7 months ago. Sara's 37 now. It's November. So in the summer she was 27, she got pregnant. Grissom's theory could still prove correct.

The room was silent. You could hear a pin drop from outside the shut doors. The quiet lasted a good 30 seconds.

"She's you're daughter, Grissom."

A/N It's short, but I hope it's still good. Lemme know what you guys think!!!


	16. Chapter 16

There are the memories that have you walking on glass. They are the ones that have a delicate balance between two emotions. They are the ones that bring back the anxiety of waiting, wondering what will happen. When you look back, it's not the result that you recall the most, but the waiting. The skip of your heart and the pleading that comes with the moment. Sometimes they end happy, and others, not so much.

_I remember him. He had brown hair and hazel eyes. He made my life a living nightmare. Fearing he would try and confront me, or worse, come back. I remember praying that he would stop, pleading he wouldn't harm me. My heart skipped a beat for each step he came closer to me. I thought I was going to die, and then I did. Little by little, my heart turned to stone, hardening over the years. I lost contact to the woman who had my child, and I receded into my shell. My heart never recovered, and in theory, I would say that for every time my heart skipped a beat that night, I lost a little part of myself. It made life worse, but then it got better._

_She was starting to slowly repair my heart. The one that had shattered and been spread in the dust. She brought me someone to love. She proved to me that I could still love after all my rejection and pain. Kara was piecing my life slowly together. She was picking up the small shards that had Grissom's name all over them, and replacing them with hers. My heart skipped a beat when I first saw her, but this time, it was mending my broken organ._

I said it. I told him. I didn't see a response anywhere soon. He was probably still trying to take in the information. He would explode soon. One massive outburst of anger and hatred. I left before it could happen. I didn't want to wait around for him to scream at me. I started back to the break room when I heard him trailing my footsteps. I braced myself and turned to face him, ready for anything he was going to dish out to me. I wasn't expecting to be knocked backwards. The next thing I saw was the ceiling. My head felt fine, my back was not in pain, in fact, I wasn't hurting at all. I didn't actually hit the ground. I looked to see what was holding me up. It was a hand. Grissom's.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting you to stop."

Was he apologizing? That was new. Then again, it was his fault.

"It's fine."

He looked me in the eye. Reading my face, looking for anything he could find. I didn't let him find much.

"Can I see her?"

He wanted to see her. That was not what I expected. Would he hate her too? I didn't want Grissom to meet her. She looks like me, is that be bad? Will he make me give her up? Say I'm mentally unstable. There was no damn way I was losing her again.

"If you want. She's with Greg."

He pulled me up and walked off to find Greg. I followed. I then realized that he would need an introduction, and it certainly wasn't going to be "father".

"Grissom, wait up."

He slowed momentarily, not exactly stopping to let me catch up. I saw them in the printing lab. Greg was showing her how to fingerprint. Nice, entertain the kid and get work done at the same time. Efficient babysitter. I rushed ahead of Grissom, getting to Kara before he could.

"Sweetie, come here."

Sweetie? Where did that come from? Oh well, it worked. Kara ran over and game me a hug. That was new too.

"Hey, I want you to meet someone."

She nodded. Her face a little smudged from the dust powder. Grissom walked in.

"Kara, this is Grissom, he's… my boss."

"Hi." Kara said, smiling sweetly, but not yet approaching. She was watching me, picking up on my discomfort. Geez, kids were smart.

Grissom stared. Looking at her as if she were the rarest bug there is. He watched her every movement, fascinated. His eyes followed her as she went back to Greg and finished playing with the printing dust. His eyes followed her as she walked with me back to the break room to say bye to the rest of the gang. And his eyes followed her as we left the lab, going home because it was way past her bed time. If he hated me, at least he didn't hate his child who resembled me in every way. Though, I wasn't too sure he liked her either, seeing as he didn't even return her "Hi".

A/N I'm am sooooo sorry. I wasn't able to upload any chapters for the past 2 days. I'm sooo sorry. Don't worry, I'll make it up to you guys!!!! By the way, I'm trying to make my chapters longer, so if it seems like I'm rambling, please let me know. Review as alwalys!!!


	17. Chapter 17

There are the memories that are like playing fetch. You throw something as hard as you can, casting it away with a smile. But, you always get it back. These memories are the ones that you are glad to see go away, but you always return to them. They never go away, and at moments that you want rid of them you throw them out. But when you're not expecting it, they come back and you keep them; for awhile at least. You keep them close, because you soon realize through all the anger, frustration, confusion, and tears, they are the sole reason that you are where you are now. Whether you like it or not, you're playing the game, and the only way to stop it, is to hold on to the stick.

_I moved the Vegas for him. For the man of my dreams. I left my friends, my job, my house, and my past. I came to a place where I could start new. I did. I made new friends, and tried to earn the love of Grissom. I didn't get it. I would go to my apartment, and cry myself to sleep. I hate crying. I changed to something more powerful. I started drinking. I got caught. He tried to get me to stop, pretended he cared about my health. I didn't believe him, I still don't. I tried to throw him away, tell myself that I didn't need him. He didn't rule me and I was in control. It worked for awhile, but then he saw it. He saw that I didn't need him anymore. He got me a plant, offering me hope. He told me I was beautiful, bringing my love for him back. And once I started needing him again, he left. I finally accepted that he didn't want me and I would never be good enough for him. I held on to my times with him instead of throwing them out. And once I clung onto the times I shared with him, I was able to move on. I ended his game, and I was now free to be me._

Kara was asleep. Her brown, slightly curly hair slightly covering her eyes. She was beautiful. I couldn't sleep, so I watched her. I had my laptop on my lap and was looking at places we could check out when she woke up. I found a few, slightly larger apartments. I couldn't afford a house, seeing as my boss never gave me the promotion that I wanted. Not that it mattered, because the position never opened up. I glanced at the clock by my daughter's bed. 6:15. I got up from my post and moved to the kitchen. I got out a box of cereal and shook it. Almost empty. I still didn't want to risk cooking so I figured I would take her to the diner, where the gang would probably be at. Grissom hardly ever went, so I'd be safe.

I heard footsteps down the hall. Kara walked into the front room, bright eyed and bushy tailed. Well, she was a morning person, kinda like me. She was a mini me.

"Hey, you." I smiled at her. She returned it.

"Morning."

"Wanna catch breakfast? We can see Greg and them."

Her eyes lit up. She liked the gang. I couldn't blame her.

"Is Uncle Nicky gonna be there too."

Uncle? This kid is full of surprises. I laughed.

"Yes, and Catherine and Warrick."

"What about the other man?"

"Grissom?"

"Yah, Gris-uhm."

"He might be there, probably not." Well, I wasn't going to lie to her.

"He doesn't like me much."

"Why do you think that?" I didn't object the thought.

"He didn't say hi back." She said simply. Well, I couldn't blame her for thinking that. Any kid would have figured that.

"He's shy." It wasn't a lie. I just couldn't think of anything else to say, seeing that I couldn't disagree with her.

"Alright, we better go. Shifts probably over by now. They don't know we're showing up, so it's going to be a surprise. Go get changed."

She ran off. She came back before I could count to 30. Literally. I looked at what she was wearing, checking to make sure that she wasn't wearing something totally ridiculous. She had jeans and a shirt on. I loved her more than I had thought possible now. We left the apartment, smiling and happy.

On the way into the dinner, Kara found a ladybug on one of the bushes. She wanted to keep it. I said no. I told her that ladybugs don't like it inside buildings and we had to leave it outside. She agreed reluctantly. Great, she liked bugs. Her father would be proud. I corrected myself at the last moment, her father didn't like her.

When the doors opened, she ran inside, spotting the team immediately. Without hesitation, she plopped herself down in between Greg and Catherine.

"Hey Sara," I was greeted when I walked up to the table.

"Hey."

"Didn't know you were coming," Nick said "If we did, we would have ordered for you."

"It was a surprise!" My daughter told them, excited in every way.

"It was a good surprise," Warrick assured her.

"Well, move over, Nick your taking up too much room." I joked, pushing the guys over.

The food came, and the laughter started. Kara looked like she was having a grand time, playing tic-tac-toe on napkins with Greg.

"So, Sara, I heard you applied for days." Greg said, while he placed an X on the chart.

"Well, I can't leave her alone at nights."

"We'll still see you though right?"

"Of course," I told the spiky haired kid that made me laugh all the time. "I need a babysitter."

He gave me puppy eyes and a quivering lower lip, pretending to be hurt. He was no paying attention at all to the little girl winning the game by placing to O's while he wasn't looking. I laughed, at both of them.

"Kidding Greggo. Of course I'll still see you guys. You're my family."

"I win!!!" Kara announced.

"And, you might want to pay more attention to your game." I told Greg, while Nick, Warrick, and Catherine laughed. They had caught on to Kara's winning method as well. There was so much laughter that I didn't notice the newcomer. I only saw him when he sat down.

"Hey, Grissom." Nick welcomed the boss.

"Hey." He replied, keeping his eyes on the girl kicking Greg's ass at hangman now.

"Sara, can I talk to you outside for a second?"

NO!!! I was not in the mood to be scorned, seeing as Grissom finally came out of the shocked state.

"Sure."

I didn't know why I agreed. It was such a stupid idea. But, it was too late to take it back.

A/N Alright, I know that this chapter is longer, but I'm still afriad I might start to get boring. Please let me know.


	18. Chapter 18

There are the memories that you imagine. They are not real memories, but they are there in your heart. They are ones about things you dream would happen in the future. You dream and imagine so hard, that they seem somewhat true to you. And most the time, they do come true.

_I earned Grissom to love me. And for awhile, I thought he did. He asked me to dinner, to his hotel room, and to Vegas. I was blinded. So many times, I have imagined what it would be like for him to love me. It was my memory of love, what I truly thought would happen. It never did. I replaced my heart and mind with a new memory. One of me dying. That too, didn't happen. I thought it would, and it didn't. Now I try to keep from dreaming anything. It's worked so far._

I walked outside with him. He stopped in front of the parking lot and turned to face me. He stared straight into my eyes and said the last words I expected to hear.

"Sara, marry me."

So long I had dreamt that he would say those words. They were what I wanted to hear him say, even utter, for years. He chose the wrong time.

"Why?"

"Because, I want to be a part of my child's life, and because I like knowing you're okay."

He avoided the word. The word I dreamed he would say also. Love. He wanted me to marry him, so he could have Kara and give her the right last name. He wanted me around to make sure I didn't do anything suicidal again and ruin the lab. He didn't love me. This was a marriage of obligation. To please him, and make him happy. Well love's a two way street Grissom, whether you think it or not.

"No."

"Sara…"

"Grissom, I will not marry you because you feel its right for Kara to have your last name, or because you think I'm mentally unstable. If you don't love me, I cannot and will not marry you. It's not right."

"Sara, I like you."

"Yah, LIKE Grissom. Not love. I like Greg, and Nick, and Warrick, but that doesn't mean I want to marry them."

"Well, at least let me be a part of Kara's life. I've missed 8 years of her life and I don't want to miss anymore."

He almost sounded angry. For some reason I wish he would be. It would make it so much easier to yell and scream if he was yelling too. I wanted to yell and scream, of all the times he tells me to marry him, it's under these conditions. I hated it. My dream had finally come true, in a way, and it's not for the reason I wanted it to be.

"I've missed 8 years too, and Grissom, it's not like you ever wanted a family. I asked you, remember?"

"Sara, things change."

"Yes Grissom, they do. I'm not your pet anymore. I won't come whenever you call."

"Then at least live with me. Your apartment's too small and you need a place to stay. I have plenty of room, and we'll hardly see each other. If I change you to days, you'll be gone when I'm home and vice versa. We'll both be able to spend time with our daughter."

I didn't have anything to say to that. I really didn't want to be under the same roof as him.

"It's a lot easier than a custody battle, Sara."

He would really do that? If I didn't give him what he wanted, he would take me to court? I almost hit him. He didn't give a damn about me, as long as he had his daughter. He knew he would win the suit too. He could claim me mentally unstable and have me taken to the asylum. I wouldn't have it. No way, no how was I going to there.

"Fine."

My voice was dead, just like how my heart felt. He didn't love me, he just wanted to make my life difficult.

A/N I know it's shorter, but I didn't want to feel like I'm saying nothing and getting no where. REVIEW PLEASE. And yes, this might have been predictable, but hey, soon we'll have some nice fun with Brass. Everybody loves Brass, right?


	19. Chapter 19

There are the memories of a turning point. They are the memories that you switch from regretting, to being completely content about them. They are the decisions that changed your life, for good or for bad. At times, you wish you choose the other path, choose to do or not do what you actually did. At times, you are so glad you did what you did, that the choice you made was the right one. It is a tug of war game that never has a winning side.

_I remember moving to Vegas. Over and over I changed from thinking it was a mistake to thinking it was the best thing I ever did. Now, I was wishing I never came. If I never came here, then I would never have wasted all those years, trying to receive Grissom's love. I still didn't have it. He would never love me, but he would love our daughter. It was something, if not me, at least he loves a part of me. A fourth of me wanted to take Kara and move, move far away, where Grissom can never hurt us. The other fourth wanted to give him another chance. I wanted to love him, trust him, and be with him. My mind tells me that I'd already given him enough chances. My heart tells me that I can never give him enough chances. A fourth of me wanted to find a drink. To buy a nice 6 pack from the store. Let Kara spend the day with Greg, so she wouldn't be around when I passed out and woke up with a hangover. The last quarter of me wanted to spend as much time as I could with my girl. It would be the last time I had her all to myself. And, since I didn't have to go apartment shopping anymore, I had plenty of time._

Kara has school tomorrow. I could take her, then go on my drinking binge, and maybe have Greg pick her up. I know that I was being selfish, but I needed a drink now, more than ever. In plus, I would spend the rest of the day and after school tomorrow with her. It solved half of my wants. I couldn't run and I wouldn't let myself trust him just yet, so I might as well do with what I can have.

"Mom, where are we going?"

Kara interrupted my thoughts. It was a good thing too.

"Well, sweetie, we don't need to go apartment shopping anymore, for we're going to move in with Grissom?"

"Grissom? He's the man that didn't say hi back. He doesn't like me much. Am I allowed to be there if he doesn't like me?"

"He wants you there, he likes you. He just doesn't show it. He likes you a lot actually; he just doesn't like me…"

Whoops, I hope she missed that last part. Last thing I needed was her to have a grudge against the man.

"I don't like him."

"Why not?"

"He doesn't like you."

Nope, she didn't miss what I said. Well, there it was, a kid with a grudge. I hope she doesn't tell Grissom. On the other hand, I was love the fact that she was protective of me. Maybe this grudge wasn't so bad, it proved to me that she loved me, as I love her.

"Don't be mad at him, sweetie. It's not your problem, and he does love you."

"Why does he like me and not you? You're my mom, and we look alike."

Pretty smart kid. How to answer? Well, I guess I would have to tell her the truth, as much as it might hurt.

"He's your dad."

No response. I looked back at her, hoping it wasn't too much. She looked as if she was deep into thought. Knowing her, she was.

"When why doesn't he like you?"

"Because…"

"My other mom told me, that people had children when they love each other. Why doesn't he love you?"

Tough question. I should have known that she would come up with something like that. She was in a gifted school after all.

"That is true, but not always. Things…change?"

"Then where did I come from?"

"I'll tell you when you're older."

"…Alright…Why?"

I needed to rethink this. There were too many why's. Sometimes, curiosity could be hard.

"On second thought, why don't you ask Uncle Greg, Nick, or Warrick. They'll explain to you."

"Can I ask them now?"

"No, later tonight, I'll take you to the lab. Alright?"

She looked happy with that. As long as she was happy, I was happy. I would take her to the lab, put her to bed, drive her to school, grab my beer…s, and then we would see from there. It seemed like a good plan to me.

A/N, I'm going to lighten the mood for the next chapter, then I'll have some fun with Brass. Please Review


	20. Chapter 20

There are memories that make you laugh. They are the ones that stick with you because it was a once in a lifetime thing. Only once will you ever get to see that priceless expression or that hilarious stunt. They are the ones that make you laugh until your sides hurt and they are the ones that make you think, life is full of surprises. They are the memories that keep you holding on to the ground, for you want to be there when the next time happens. They are the times that hold only happiness and good times. There's nothing bad about them.

_I remember Greg. He was the cause for ninety percent of my laughter. There was that time relabeled the lab coffee as his Blue Hawaiian. The faces and spewing of coffee afterwards had me rolling on the floor. And there was the time he screwed around with Ecklie's chair. Ecklie was furious for the next week, but nobody turned him in, they just sniggered whenever they remembered the curses that flew from Ecklie's mouth. But, my favorite was when the team got back at Greg. Catherine set up a revenge plan and hooked Greg up for a blind date. Greg was expecting a striper friend of Cat's. He got the hobo that Nick found outside the lab instead. His face was priceless, and we got it all on film. Greg never failed to make my day._

We pulled into the lab parking lot, just as the gang would be arriving. We rushed to the break room and waited.

"Alright, so what was the question you wanted the others to answer?" I was playing dumb, making sure she didn't over explain her reason for wanting to know and that her question hasn't changed.

"Where do children come from?"

"Okay, just don't take too long, alright. We got to get you to bed."

"Okay."

The gang came in, this time arguing about why Grissom was in such a cheery mood.

"It's got to be because he got his new cockroaches." Nick stated.

"Nah man, it's got to be because his komodo dragon is finally off of back order." Warrick reasoned. They were both wrong, but I was not going to tell them that.

"Sara! Didn't expect you here, it's your day off." Greg effectively ended the conversation.

"Yah, well Kara had a question for you all. Good luck." I retreated to a corner with a smile. What the others have learned as my evil smile. They looked nervously at my little girl, waiting for the question. She asked it. And the looks on their faces were the funniest I've ever seen. Good thing I had a camera on my phone. With a soft click that nobody heard, the team finally pulled out of shock.

"Shouldn't you be asking Sara that?"

"She sent me to you guys."

The four of them gave me a glare. I coughed, trying to cover a laugh.

"Uhhh…well…you see, when a mom and dad love each other…" Nick tried to start.

Shit. There went my cover. I BEGGED Kara not to say anything with my eyes.

"What if they don't love each other?"

No names mentioned. God I love my kid.

"Well, in that case, when they get together, and decide they want a child…" Nick tried to change.

"What if it wasn't planned?"

I laughed. Kara was not going to make this easy. Catherine was sitting in the back, thinking this over. Leave it to the female to solve the problem.

"When a mom and dad get together, they create a child in the mom, and it grows. Eventually, it comes out of the mom's stomach and they have a child." Cath tried to keep it simple. It was a very crude description. I anticipated the next question. Kara would never leave a subject alone until she got the full answer.

"How?"

"How what?" Warrick asked, hoping that Catherine's explanation was enough.

"How does the baby get inside the mommy?" She asked innocently and with big puppy eyes.

"I'll tell you when you get older." Greg said, being the hero and stepping up.

Kara didn't seem to like this answer, but didn't complain.

"How old?"

I laughed. Greg was probably not expecting that he would have to follow through with it. But, Kara never forgot anything; at least she hasn't in the short time that I've known her.

"How about 9?"

"You guys promise?"

"I promise."

"Uncle Nick, Warrick, and Aunt Catherine too?"

"They promise too." Greg assured her, earning a look from the other three.

"Alright." She was obviously happy with this outcome. I laughed, when it was time, I would watch as the team tried to explain the big question to a nine year old. I laughed harder as I realized that they didn't know her birthday was a couple months away. They thought they had more time than they did.

As we left the room, I whispered to the team, "She never forgets anything. I'll totally be here when she turns 9, in two months."

Their faces were golden. We left the team in their little frozen states. I heard as I exited the door, "Shit, I thought she was 6." Greg was such a sucker.

A/N A little Lighter and I know it wasn't what you guys probably expected, but I wanted to leave opportunity for a laugh later on. All mistakes are mine, and I know there are some in this chapter. REVIEW IF YOU WANT BRASS TO APPEAR TODAY. Haha just kidding...but reviews are nice.


	21. Chapter 21

There are the memories that are like throwing a boomerang. They are memories that you want to throw away because your pride tells you to. But, when you least expect it, they come back and hit you hard. They are memories of shame and embarrassment. And they are the memories you want to forget. The ones where you made a fool of yourself, in front of the person you least wanted to see you. They are the memories you try to cover up with ones of happiness and hate. They are the ones that can only be brought up by the person who witnessed the moment. The person you hid from because of this time.

_I never expected to be pulled over. I didn't expect Grissom to have to pick me up. I didn't want him to see me. See me after I almost got a DUI. I wasn't drunk, not even buzzed. I wish I was, for then I wouldn't remember. I remember pretending he cared. I recall lying to him. Telling him that I went celebrating with Nick and Warrick. I had, but I was really drinking so I wouldn't have to face the long day ahead of me, trying to sleep. Trying to avoid the nightmares and crying that came with sleep. I hate crying._

_There was also the time I was suspended. I was caught with a beer in my hand. He said drinking was not my problem. He was only slightly right. I remember crying in front of him. It was a time I trusted the man. I didn't trust him now. He wanted to know why I was reacting the way I was. I told him. I shouldn't have. It was my moment of weakness. He had to come and help me. And then he sent me to a counselor. I couldn't fight my own battles. I needed the help of others. I was weak. My barriers were slowly falling, and I wasn't strong enough to keep them up._

Grissom saw Sara exiting the break room with his new found daughter, smiling. It lifted his spirits higher. He hadn't seen that smile in a long time. He walked into the break room and handed out assignments. The others noted his happiness. It had been a long time since they saw the good side of the boss. Even the amount of paperwork, enough to keep him from the field, he had to do didn't dampen his joy. He almost skipped to his office. Brass noticed.

Without bothering to knock, Brass entered his old friend's office.

"What's got you so happy?"

"Sara's moving in with me." Grissom didn't even bother to lie, for Brass could sniff out lies like an old bloodhound.

"Since when?"

"Since she told me I had a daughter."

Brass smiled. He knew it. Like Sara would sleep with any other man.

"Good for you. What did you have to say to get her to agree?" Brass asked, knowing that after the hell he put Sara through, there was no way this happened easily.

"I told her I wanted to be a part of Kara's life."

"And?"

"We would hardly see each other if we have opposing shifts." Seeing Brass' face, he quickly added, "It's a step. If she's in the same house, I can slowly gain her trust."

"How can you earn her trust, if you NEVER SEE HER?" Brass questioned.

"Well, we'll see each other, just not often. And a little is better than none, right?"

"So you told her that you wanted to see your daughter and that you won't see each other, that's all?" Brass inquired, thinking that it did seem a little unusual. Sara, who trusted almost no one, giving in that easily.

Grissom shuffled his feet, gazing down as he remembered his bluff. Brass caught it.

"What else did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Cut the crap Gil, you can't lie, let alone to me."

"Well, there was this lie about…"

"About?"

"About… going to court…"

"WHAT?!?" Brass yelled, fire blazing in his eyes. "What did you tell her that for? Are you an idiot? Any trust she had for you, and let me tell you, there was little, just flew out the window with that. What the hell were you thinking?"

"Well she would have said no…"

"So what? Let her say no. As long as she trusts you she'll let you in her life. She only did now because she knows as well as I do that if you brought her to court, she'd lose. Worse, seeing that you 'love' her, she'd probably end up with Adam Trent and his group. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Brass fired nonstop. Not bothering to take a breath.

"I wouldn't really put her through that." Gil spoke up when Brass finished.

"Gil, do I have to spell it out for you? She. Doesn't. Know. That. Well, as long as she knows you love her, even if she thought that was a lie, there's still hope. You did tell her you love her didn't you?"

"Yah, I told her I liked her."

"Like? Not love?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Gil, like means nothing. A boss likes their employees. As far as she's concerned, you only want her for this lab. Swallow your damn pride and 'fess up. Even if she doesn't believe you, show her. She will eventually."

"What if she doesn't say it back?"

"That's the least of your worries now."

Grissom looked crestfallen. He thought Sara was starting to trust him again, instead he was hurting her.

"I need to fix this. I'll go by her place after shift."

"Just don't screw up. And Gil, love is the key word. As smart as you are, you're helpless when it comes to people. Just keep words simple, and if they sound good in your head, it's probably not a good idea to voice it."

Brass left, leaving Grissom to think about what he would say when he confronted Sara again.

A/N REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! Reviews make the world go 'round!!!


	22. Chapter 22

There are the memories of your greatest shame. They are the ones that you don't want to admit exist, but deep down you know they do. They are the memories that you wish you could redo and erase, but the more you wish it the more it becomes real. Michel de Montaigne said, "Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it." The more you long for the time to disappear, the more you remember it. And the only way to truly rid yourself from this shame is to rid yourself of your pride, which is causing you to feel the shame. For pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source.

_Grissom. He was my shame. I wasn't good enough for him, so he didn't love me. I couldn't say no to him, so I ended up here. I couldn't stay away from him, so I suffered years of reject. I wouldn't leave him, so I became his pet. I couldn't stand the hurt, so I tried to kill myself over him, and I couldn't even manage that. I couldn't stop loving him, so I let him hate me. I couldn't keep him from thinking I'm insane, so I let him take my daughter and me to his house. I couldn't stand up to him, so I didn't let him call his bluff and take me to court. I couldn't get over him, so I sit here thinking about the biggest mistake of my life._

I sat there, alone, looking at the clock with my third beer in my hand. The liquid felt great, sliding down my throat, easing the pain a little. It wasn't much, it was barely even noticeable, but it made me feel better somehow. It took a lot to get me truly drunk, and I wasn't planning to do that. Maybe tipsy, but not drunk. I still needed to pick up my child without killing us both. The clock read 8:30. It was still early. I finished off the bottle in my hand, and reached for another. And another. And another.

Six, my count was six. I could still see and think coherently. I was still okay. I drifted into a trance. Drink, stare at the clock, drink, stare at the clock.

I heard a knock. I looked at the clock. 9:00. I must have had too much, no one should be at my door. Whoops. I heard it again. Nope, I was still okay. I wasn't imagining anything. I put my beer down, and walked to the door. Mind you I was walking straight. I was not drunk. I opened the door, and saw who was standing on my doorstep. Shit. It was Grissom.

"Grissom, what are you doing here?" I asked him, turning away before he could smell the alcohol on my breath.

"Sara, we need to talk."

"About what, we never talked before; I don't see why we should start now."

I really didn't want him here now.

"Sara, when you agreed to move in with me, I didn't tell you the biggest reason why I wanted you there."

"You wanted your daughter Grissom. I'm just a third wheel that comes with her."

"No, Sara, you're not."

I popped some gum in my mouth, hoping to get rid of the smell. He was already at the table, sitting on the couch. Shit, the beer bottle. I came to stand in front of him, blocking the bottle with my figure and grabbing it behind my back.

"Sara, why do you have a bottle in your hand?"

Shit, he saw. Damn it, stupid investigator.

"No reason you need to worry about."

"Sara, how often do you do this?" He asked, motioning to the rest of the unopened bottles. There weren't many left.

"Not often, today only if you must know."

"May I ask why?"

"No. You have no right to know." Especially since you're the cause of almost all my pain. He didn't look convinced. I didn't really care. "Look Grissom, I'm not drunk. It takes a lot to get me there. So what did you want to tell me, cause I'm kinda busy."

"Sara, I came here to tell you that I…"

"You what? Changed your mind? Decided to take me to court? Send me to the asylum? Take me to rehabilitation? Counseling? What torture do you want to put me through this time? Haven't you hurt me enough?"

"Sara, I never meant to hurt you."

"I'll believe that when Greg gets me in his bed." And that's when the world will end. Greg would NEVER get me to sleep with him. For that to even happen, I would have to be drunk and/or unconscious. I loved the look on Grissom's face though.

"Sara, I hardly think that's…"

"Grissom, get back to the subject before. You what?"

"Sara, I love you. I've loved you forever."

I felt my jaw drop and my heart skip a beat. That was the last thing I thought and wanted to hear at the moment. Grissom had the worst timing ever.

A/N Got the chapter up!!! I'm probably going to have to downsize my writing time for a short time. Sorry. But, if you review, I will post as often as I can. Reviews are encouraging.


	23. Chapter 23

There are the memories you banished successfully. They were forever lost in the black hole inside your head, and are almost impossible to bring back. But you can, and when you do, you realize that the only reason it was gone in the first place, was because you didn't try to hold on to it. They are the memories that are not insignificant, but they aren't life altering either. They are the ones you embraced, then let go. Or they are the memories shadowed by one that deletes most memories about them. And the only thing that can bring them back is a moment very similar to it.

_He told me he loved me. Many times, he told me he loved me. I believed him, even if I didn't think I should. Later, I stopped believing him. Whenever he beat me, he would come back later and tell me he loved me. I don't think he did. I wanted to believe him, even though I wasn't sure I could. He told me he loved me to say sorry to me. I never remembered this before, because his cruelness always one my mind over. His brutality and ruthlessness always covered up the times he was sincere about. After awhile, I forgot them all together. And when my father was murdered, I tried to forget him entirely. It didn't work. Now, this man was telling me the same thing. And I'm not sure I can believe him, even if I wanted to._

I stood there. Motionless and stolid. I looked him in the eye. I found no lies. My first thought was disbelief. I couldn't believe him. After all the crap and pain he put me through, I couldn't bring myself to believe he loved me.

My second thought was anger. How dare he. How dare he tell me this right as I got over him. I tell him I don't need him anymore, and he tries to get me to need him again. I didn't need him, I never will again.

My third thought was lies. I was lying to myself. I needed Grissom as much as I needed Kara. I would never truly get over him. I couldn't. He was lying to me. He didn't love me. What had he ever done to me to ever show he loved me?

And last, I wanted to know why. Why was he telling me this now? Why was he telling me this now, when I was weak. He had years to tell me, and it was only getting out now. I stood there still. I couldn't manage to move my mouth, let alone my feet. I watched him walk away. Letting himself out of my apartment. He looked crestfallen at my lack of response. I did nothing to stop him. I couldn't. My brain was hardly functioning, and my heart was in turmoil once again. I couldn't have told you what happened in the next half an hour or so. All I know was that the door never reopened. I walked off to my room and onto my bed. I fell asleep crying. My heart wanted to forgive him, my brain did not. My two most powerful parts of my body were at war with each other, leaving me both looking and feeling like the battle site.

A/N Yes, I'm sorry this is mega short. I'm going to try to post another chapter. I'm not to sure how I'm going to end this, but I know it's going to have to be soon, for I'm running out of memory ideas. I'll try to post again to make up for the lack of words on this chapter. And yup, I'm still debating whether or not to have a happy or neutral ending. Tell me what you guys think!!! Thanks!!!


	24. Chapter 24

There are the memories of forgiveness. It's when you forgive someone who had done something terrible to you. Something that you can never get over. You forgive them and accept what happened. You stop plotting your revenge and instead, you do nothing. It's a way the heart tells the brain that it's time to move on. It's time to stop wallowing over the past and start a future. And it works in a way. You stop hating the person for hurting you. You stop avoiding them, trying to hide from their presence. But you still don't trust them. For the brain never gave into the heart's commands fully. You've forgiven them, but you haven't forgotten. And the only way the brain will be at peace with your heart, is if the person proves themselves. Makes you truly believe that they mean what they say and say what they mean. Trust is what the brain needs; time is what the heart needs.

_I forgave her. She killed my father and ruined my life, but I forgave my mother. She did what she did to help me in the long run. Free me from my father's control. I forgave him. He raped me and left, but I too forgave him. He was drunk and probably doesn't even remember the event. Though it's no excuse for what he did to me, I am at fault too. I never reported him; therefore I was at fault too. I forgave myself. For not turning in my rapist, for abandoning my daughter, and for all the mistakes I made. Though not for everything, I still didn't forgive myself for the wrong I did and the hatred I caused. I never forgot anything though. I still remember the night I was sent to the foster system and the day I gave up the most important thing in the world. But, although I remember the hard times, I forgave the people that made it hard. There was no use to be mad at them for something I couldn't change or stop. I didn't forgive the things that could have changed though. The things that I could have made go differently. The things I controlled._

When I woke up, I went to pick up Kara. I hid my red eyes as well as I could. I didn't hide them well enough.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

I smiled, pretending to be fine. Kara saw my eyes. She guessed what happened. But she didn't push.

"Ready to go, we're moving to Grissom's today."

"Yah…" Kara didn't seem to want to go there. I didn't know why.

"You don't sound too excited."

"You don't want to go, so I don't want to go. You know we don't have to go there if you don't want to Mom. We could stay in the apartment."

"It's fine. There's no way we can both fit in the apartment. In plus, Grissom wants you there."

I really wanted to take up her offer. Stay in my apartment forever. But I couldn't. There was no way I was going to let Grissom take Kara from me. I would not let him take me through court, where we both know I would lose. I didn't have to be happy about this, as long as Kara was alright.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. He wants to be part of your life. Wants to be your…father." Father came out choked. It was as if the word was a curse and I couldn't say it.

"What about you?"

"Me?"

What about me?

"Does he want you there too?"

He told me he loved me. And I don't trust him. His eyes told the truth. His mouth only said lies.

"I'm not sure."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would he want me, but not you? We look the same. You're my mom. What's the difference?"

"He loves you."

"Does he love you?"

I didn't know. I'm not sure I'll ever know.

"I don't know."

The rest of the ride was silent. It was silent when we arrived at my apartment, when we packed the car with most of our stuff, and when we took off again. Her eyes were deep into thought. She stared out the window, thinking. What about, I don't quite know. Probably what I told her. I just hope she wasn't going to ask Grissom a bunch of questions. Then again, she hadn't betrayed me yet, so I was more than likely safe. She was like the moon, the one thing that never told my secrets.

We pulled into Grissom's driveway. Kara continued to stare out the window, eyes fixed in one spot and in a trance.

"Kara."

Her head whipped around.

"We're here."

She looked through the windshield, examining the house that we would live in now. She fell back into her trance.

"Ready to go?"

She nodded. Deep thinker. I grabbed the boxes and put them in front of the door. I returned to the car and grabbed Kara, guiding her to the door. On the way, she woke up again. She rang the doorbell and then sat on one of the boxes. When the door opened, I immediately turned around, trying not to make eye contact. I reached for the boxes, and carried them in. Kara behind me, with her own set of boxes. I placed our stuff down in the front room and turned to see if Kara was alright. She was. I watched her put sown her load and stand next to me. We were foreign people in a foreign place.

"You can put Kara's stuff in the room down the hall. That'll be her room. We can paint it and stuff later if she wants." Grissom said, trying to break the silence. I moved her things, taking note of the rooms I passed along the way. Bathroom, spare room, master. After I dropped off Kara and her things in her new room, I moved to the spare room. There, I put my things.

"You can split the master with me." Grissom said from the doorway. I looked for my daughter. When I didn't see her I felt slightly better. She didn't need to know her parents had issues with each other.

"Close the door, will you?" He did.

"Sara, you don't have to stay in the here, you could…"

"Grissom thanks but I would prefer to stay here."

"I was going to say you could have the master and I'll sleep in here. I figured you would be more comfortable without me and in the bigger room."

It was nice of him. The first kindness I felt from him in a long time. I smiled. It was the first time in a long time that I smiled for him. He smiled too. It was a step. Maybe, I could come to trust him again. Maybe.

"It's fine. It would be more work for you to move out than me to move in. Thanks though."

I had forgiven Grissom. Forgiven him for being an ass and putting me through hell's hell. I just hadn't forgotten. And to get me to trust him, he would have to earn it. I wasn't going to give him something, just for him to take it back. I wasn't going to give myself to him, just for him to burn me like before. But this time, it would be different. He won't hurt me like before. This time I think he really does love/like me. My heart told me so. Now, we just had to convince my brain. And my brain is the hardest thing to change.

A/N So, I hope i made this chapter long enough. Sorry, but I didn't finish this last noght, and I just finished this now. Review please, it makes the computer happier. :P


	25. Chapter 25

There are the memories of kindness. Little things done here and there that made your life easier. They are memories that come with friends and family. They are the memories that you appreciate now, but when you look back, you thought it was pity. They are the memories that show there are people who are willing to help you out when you need it. And when you don't. And it is those times when you need it, but don't want to admit it, that you need the most. For it is those times, that when you look back, you realize that friendship is more than a shoulder to cry on. It is caring for others and having others to care for you. It is having someone to love you when you think there is no one. And it is having a people to kid with when you need the laugh the most. But mostly, it is having someone who is there for you, and looks out for you no matter what happens.

_I have friends. I have the team. I used to have Grissom. I lost Grissom. And now, I'm not sure if I want him to be my friend. He said he loved me. I want to believe him. But, I don't want to be his friend again. I was his friend when I met him. I was his friend when he needed someone to come to Vegas. I was his friend for a majority of the time I spent here. But then I lost it. He stopped being kind and joking with me. He started pushing me away, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get closer. He tells me he loves me now. He's showing me kindness once again. And if I ever forgive him, I don't want to be his friend. No, I want something more._

That night he made us dinner. It was good. It was nice. The next day he drove Kara to school and me to work. On Saturday, he took us to an aquarium. The next morning he took Kara out to but paint and things, so we could redo her room. She enjoyed this, so I enjoyed it. He showed her kindness. And slowly, hour by hour, I was beginning to trust him again. It was faster than I expected. I didn't expect him to gain my trust so rapidly. But he was, and I didn't try to block him. The war in my body was starting to end, as my heart took over my brain.

"Blue." Kara announced, holding up one of those paint sample cards.

"Blue and what?" I asked. There had to be a theme to her room, right?

"Butterfly!"

Bugs. Just like her father. As long as she didn't want a cockroach theme, I guess I was alright.

"Alright." Grissom stood behind me, with a big boyish grin on his face. He was apparently very happy that Kara liked butterflies. I couldn't blame him.

"She has good taste." Grissom told me.

"She is not having a pet tarantula." I told him.

"Why not?"

"Because, the one in your office is enough."

"Mom, can I have a pet butterfly?" Kara asked, clearly hearing the word pet.

"No, butterflies aren't meant to be pets. They need room to fly and be free."

Kara thought about this. She clearly wanted one, but it wasn't going to happen.

"Ladybug?"

"No, same problem as the butterfly, sweetie."

"Hamster?" She asked, now taking the mammal route.

"How about, for your birthday, you can have a puppy."

Her eyes lit up and she smiled.

"Okay!"

Clearly in a happier mood, Kara went back to looking at butterfly sticker to put on her walls.

"A puppy?" Grissom asked from behind me.

"Yup, a puppy."

"What was wrong with the hamster?"

"Puppies are cuter."

He laughed. It made me glad, for he wasn't arguing the idea.

"Ready to go?" I asked Kara, seeing she was walking toward me with a dozen or so things in her hands.

She nodded and carefully placed the things in the cart. She looked up at me and smiled. Skipping towards the cash register while Grissom pushed the cart behind her, I watched her spin and laugh. She was happy, so I was happy. Grissom smiled and looked happy to. Maybe, we could be a family after all. A family that lived peacefully together. A family held together by a little eight year old girl.

A/N So I realize that nothing big or life altering happens in this chapter, but I'm getting there. The story will be ending soon, so I have to work to get to my ending. Please review. And sorry I didn't post this yesterday.


	26. Chapter 26

There are the memories that are blurs. They take a million memories, and blur them into one. The people are fuzzy, the places are fuzzy, and the actions are fuzzy. The only thing that remains is an emotion. Whether it be anger, despair, hatred, happiness, joy, depressed, miserable, or content, the emotion is what sticks. And when the time comes, and you look back, all you can say is that it was a _____ time. No details added, no description given. Just an emotion. Plain and pure.

A lot of my life is a blur. From the time of my rape until I left college was a blur. The time I was in foster care was a blur. My life before my father's murder was a blur. And all I can ever say is that it was a harder time. But I don't say that. I don't say anything at all. It's why no one knows my past or my secrets. To hide from the emotion I get when I try to remember things about my past. In the end, I just made myself face the same emotion. The emotion I learned to feel a lot of. Loneliness.

Months past. It was all a blur to me. The days went to weeks and weeks into months. Every day I saw Kara, and every day I began to trust Grissom a slight bit more. The days could almost be the same day for all I knew. The next thing I knew, it was the day before Kara's birthday.

"We can go get your puppy tomorrow. You can pick which one you want."

She nodded excitedly. "Can we go to the lab too?"

"Why?" What was at the lab?

"Uncle Greg promised to answer my question." She said looking up from her puzzle.

I completely forgot about that. I was bringing a camera tomorrow.

"We can go before bed time."

She smiled. I loved that smile.

"Mom."

"Yah?"

Oh no, I saw that look in her eye. She was about to ask a why question. And her why questions were never easy. Thank god Grissom was here. He's good with questions.

"Why do you sleep in a different room from Dad?"

Shit, Grissom's in the room. Why did he have to be in the room? Grissom looked up from his bug book and stared at me, waiting for my answer.

"We're not married."

"But we live together."

No comment. I had no comment to that. Man that kid was smart. Always had an argument to back up her question. She must have got that from Grissom.

"Yes, we do…"

I looked to Grissom for help. I shouldn't have. He wasn't going to argue this cause, he probably wanted me in the master with him.

"So why can't you just share a room?

"Yah, why not Sara?" Grissom asked, hoping that with Kara's help he can get me to move.

Because I'm not ready. I'm not ready to share a bed with the man who hurt me, screamed my brain. But I will be, so why not now. Nothing's wrong with now, my heart yelled back. It ended with a compromise. As much as my heart wanted to win over my brain, it wasn't going to happen quickly. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's because three fourths of my brain is already won over that I could make a compromise with myself.

"Alright, if you promise me that you'll both be good, and that you Kara, will take care of the puppy, I'll move to the master."

I'll move into the master. I would sleep there. Alone. As Grissom said before, since we're on different shifts, we'll hardly see each other. Especially in bed. So I guess it was alright. It was only the weekends I had to worry about. I only hope I wasn't wrong in this decision.

I saw Kara return to her puzzle, satisfied with the outcome of events, even though her question wasn't really answered. I saw Grissom silently cheering for the outcome, hoping he could prove to the rest of my brain that he loved me. My heart cheered with him. My brain doubted.

A/N Once again, I'm sorry that I'm posting a chapter that's not too eventful and late at night. But it'll get better. I'm thinking of changing the rating to M, but I'm still debating. For those of you that asked, I finally got Sara and Grissom in the same room (yes, I do read the reviews). And now, I have to figure out how to explain sex to a 9 year old girl.


	27. Chapter 27

There are the memories of surprise. Surprise at someone's decision, and the events that occur because of them. They are the outcome of…fishy ideas and they never fail to bring laughter. They are the stupid things people do, and how sometime things can go terribly wrong. It is funny at the moment, and as the years pass, they only become funnier. They are the moments you deny knowing the people who cause them and tease them about it later.

_I remember the time Greg thought it would be funny if he put a giant picture of himself in one of the showers. He said that when Catherine walked in and saw it she would freak. She did. And then she hunted Greg and slapped him across the face. It was very funny. And the time Greg decided to replace the coffee with hot cocoa. I got really mad at him. No one messed with my coffee. The way he ran away and the way he hid from me for the rest of the day made me laugh. Of course, I didn't let him see that he was off the hook, him asking everyone else to check the corners was too good to stop. All Greg's stupid ideas always ended in laughter. It's why I loved him in my own special way. Even if he was an idiot sometimes._

It was Kara's birthday. We woke up and got her puppy first thing in the morning. No breakfast, and to my disapproval no coffee. But, it was her special day, so I didn't complain too much. At the store, she took her precious little time choosing the right dog. I wanted a big Great Dane. It wasn't cute enough for her. Grissom wanted a small Pomeranian. It was too small for her, and too yappy for me. She wanted a boxer. I didn't mind, it was kinda cute. In the end, she chose a brown boxer. It wasn't the dog that upset me, but its name.

"What's wrong with Bruno?" I asked. Bruno was a good name. Tough and Boxerish.

"Hank." She said, standing her ground.

"Why Hank?" Of all the names

"I like it. It's a cool name."

"Fine, but you have to take care of him."

I hope he's not going to be like Paramedic Hank. That Hank was a bastard. It's just a name. It's just a name. It's what I repeated in my head over and over again.

"Hank!" Kara called her puppy. He came. Damn the dog already responded to the name. There was no changing it now.

"Alright, let's get him to his new home." I said. "We can show Grissom when we get home."

"Yippie! Come on Hank!"

The dog followed Kara obediently. I liked him already.

On the car ride home, Hank insisted on sitting in the passenger seat. I didn't mind…too much. He was a good dog. So far.

"DAD!" Kara yelled rushing into the house with the dog in tow.

By the time I got to the house, Grissom was already out of bed and petting the dog.

"Hank?" He looked at me.

"I didn't choose the name."

"Yes, Hank. He comes too." Kara stated as if that's all that mattered. The rest of the day went by quickly. Soon, it was time to pick up the cake and take Kara to the lab. She didn't want a party, just a cake with her favorite aunt and uncles. She was happy enough with her new puppy. She was not happy that…Hank… could not come with us.

"They can meet him later, honey."

"Why not now?"

"Because puppies aren't allowed to go to work."

"Why not?"

So many why's.

"Because they like to stay home and guard the house more." Grissom told her as he passed.

"Alright." She looked slightly crestfallen. Only slightly though. "Is Uncle Greg going to answer my question?"

"Absolutely." I snickered at the thought of Greg probably forgetting the deal.

"Let me grab the camera and then we can go."

On car ride and a cake later, we pulled up to the lab. Kara, skipping, led the way to the break room.

"Hey Kara." Nick said, bringing the guy's attention to their visitor.

"Hi!" She responded, enthusiastic.

"What's up?" Warrick asked.

"It's my birthday! Mom has cake!"

That was my cue. I appeared behind Kara holding a giant cake. I saw the color from Greg's face disappear. He forgot. Smart Greg, smart.

"Alright, Grissom can you cut the cake please?" I asked the man standing behind me. "I have to talk with Greg for a second." I whispered. He looked confused. Most likely, he didn't know what Kara's motivation for coming here was.

"I take it you didn't remember your deal." I whispered to Greg.

"I remember now."

"What's your plan genius?"

"Use big words."

"Good luck with that…" I left Greg to worry about what he was going to say.

Grissom lit the candles on the cake, and Kara happily blew them out. Everyone had a slice of cake; a couple of people ate more, including Kara. Grissom left to look at the assignments tonight, leaving the rest of the team to deal with the kid.

"Uncle Greg, you said you would answer my question!" Kara jumped to the point.

The other's turned to leave. I wasn't going to let that happen.

"You also promised the others will help you answer the question."

I got a bitter look and I turned on the camera.

"…uh…you see, when two adults get together and attempt certain actions, the results may sometimes lead to creating a child."

"And…" Kara asked, following Greg word for word. She understood him. Greg, don't underestimate the vocabulary of a nine year old.

"Why don't you ask Aunt Catherine?"

"Why?"

"Yah, why Greg?" Cath shot at him, not wanting the spotlight.

"Because I don't have a child. YOU do." Greg smiled triumphantly. Catherine looked like she was going to maul him. I can't wait to see this video.

Kara's attention went to Catherine.

"Well, for the woman's part, when a man…enters her body, he can release something called a sperm, which then goes to an egg producing a child." Catherine was being vague. Very vague.

"How?"

"How what?"

"How does the…sperm get there?"

That was Catherine's cue. "You know, I'm not quite sure. Maybe you should ask Nick."

"Why me?" The Texan asked?

"Because you haven't spoken yet."

"Neither has Warrick."

"Good point, you both can explain it. I'm sure that with the two of you, you can explain how a sperm gets inside a woman's body."

Warrick shot Nick a glance. By my guess, he wasn't happy being dragged into this.

"Well, a certain part of a man enters a specific part of a woman, that's how." Nick said really quickly.

Nick and Warrick prayed that Kara was satisfied with that answer. She wasn't totally.

"Can I see?"

"See?" Warrick asked, hoping she didn't mean what he was thinking.

"See how."

"No, it's not something people do in public…"

Well, there was that one time on the plane... but, I'll let it slide. By the look on the other's faces, they were not in a happy place. It was then I turned off the camera, and Grissom walked in. He missed the moment. I'll show him when he gets home, now it was time to take the Queen of Questions home.

A/N An important, mindblowing event happened this morning. My story memories reached 111 reviews!!! I want to thank all the readers and especially the reviewers for sticking with me this far. No, this is not the end of the story, I just thought I'd thank you all for reading my story. Yes, I changed the rating, just to be safe. And yes, 111 is an important number, only second to 1,111, but I had to be reasonable in my review levels. Thanks for reading, and keep reviewing. It might still be possible to reach 1,111...


	28. Chapter 28

There are the memories of passion. They are the memories that bring back the feel of a body in to and the pleasure it brings. They are memories of sex and in some cases, love. They are the memories that are body remembers and craves more than our mind. They are the memories of spontaneous actions and the thrill of pleasure. They are the memories that leave a stupid smile on our face whenever we recall them.

_I remember being laid in his hotel room. It began with lust, a simple craving my body desired. It turned into love, for me at least. And later, many years later, I can honestly say that it turned into love for both of us. Back then, it was sex. It was fast, it was thrilling, and it felt great. Now, it was love. It was the first moment I felt I loved him. It was what began a sequence of events led by my heart. Most importantly, it was a summer of miracles._

Kara was asleep, and Sara was downloading the video onto her laptop. The computer slowly downloaded the files, and when it finally finished, Sara watched it over and over again. She replayed the look on Catherine's face when Greg handed her the mic during the talk. Saving the file, she closed he laptop and headed to bed, waiting for Grissom to come home.

"GREG!" A battle cry roared through the halls of the lab. Catherine had just got back from her assignment and had a little time to kill. Greg ran. He ran as fast as he could to the roof of the building.

"GREG! I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" Catherine warned in pursuit. Greg ran faster. Catherine smiled. The roof had no witnesses.

Grissom heard the yelling from behind closed doors in his office. He figured he would follow them, just to make sure Catherine didn't throw the poor guy off the roof. He got there in time to hear a good part of their conversation.

"What the hell was that for? Throwing me in there like that?" Catherine demanded.

_Where did Greg throw Catherine?_ Grissom wondered.

"Well, Kara wanted all of us to answer the question and I thought that might be a good time…"

"Good time my ass, you know very well that Kara would be just as happy if you just answered the question."

_This had something to do with Kara_?

"Well, it seemed fitting; you have Lindsey after all…"

"And I'm still gonna hit you after all…"

Grissom didn't have time to interfere before he heard a load smack. Greg walked past him supporting a palm shaped red spot on the side of his face.

"Catherine, what was that about?"

"Greg throwing me to the dogs during the talk to Kara."

"What talk?"

"The talk about sex with Sara…"

"Sara slept with you and Greg?" He was utterly confused now. What the hell was going on.

"NO!" Catherine vehemently shook her head. "…with Sara leading her daughter to us. Not a fun discussion if you ask me. Your kid asks too many questions."

It made more sense now. Kind of. Grissom decided he would question Sara about it when he got home.

Hours later, Grissom entered the townhouse, and was greeted by silence. He walked to the master bedroom and heard the shower running. Grissom sat on the bed and waited. Not much later, Sara walked into the bathroom wearing only a towel.

"Hey." She said, walking over to the laptop on the desk.

"Hey, I heard you and Kara had some fun in the lab today." Grissom said while trying not to show how aroused he was.

"Yah, here watch this, it's funny." Sara pointed to the computer screen.

Grissom watched. He watched and tried to pay no attention to the basically naked woman looking over his shoulder. Tried.

When the video ended, he laughed. It finally made sense why Catherine was so pissed at Greg.

"Where's Kara?"

"At school already."

That meant the house was empty…

"So we're alone?" Grissom asked, trying and failing at hiding the bulge in his pants.

Sara caught on. "Yes, all alone."

Before Sara could do much more, Grissom kissed her. Kissed her hard and passionately. She returned it, and being a multitasker, she unbuckled his belt at the same time.

There weren't many words. There was a flurry of flying cloths and a towel, but not many words. There was a gasp when Grissom's hard erection entered her and moans when he touched her, though no words. It was fast. Grissom thrust into her, fast and easy. Sara bucked her hips in time with him. And the few words that were said were each other's names, screamed when they reached a climax together. There weren't many words, but neither complained.

A/N Yup, semi smut that wasn't really smut. Maybe I'll work some in later... Don't forget to review, it makes the world of fanfiction a better place.


	29. Chapter 29

There are the memories of lust. They center around one thing and one action. They are the memories that are new. Memories that became memories only hours, days, weeks ago. But, they are the memories that have you thinking all day. Every minute you replay the moment in your head, anticipating the time you can recreate what is now a memory. A memory of sex.

_Grissom. There's no words to describe the way he makes me feel. There's no word to summarize the feelings that I had when we slept together. The whole day I thought about it. When I examined the bullet, when I brought in the suspect, when I closed the case, when I went home, and after Kara went to bed, I thought about recreating the moment. Only, quieter this time, seeing there was a child a couple of rooms down. I know it's probably wrong to have sex when a child's in the house, but I can't help it. I can't help that my body craved his touch weeks after the event. I can't help wanting to make love to Grissom, because now, I was sure it was love._

Grissom had just woken up, and I had just laid down on the bed. I turned to smile at him. He saw me, and smiled.

"Morning." He said to me.

"Morning."

"Kara asleep?"

"Seeing its 11, yes she is." I said, climbing on top of him.

"Should we be doing this now?" We, not you, not me, we. I could get used to that.

"I don't care, it's been weeks since the last…first time and I need you. Now. Don't worry, the doors are closed and the child's asleep." My lips hovered millimeters above his lips. "You're not going to leave me like this are you? And by my observations, you're going to need a cold shower if you do." I said, feeling his erection pressed into my body.

"Look what you do to me." He closed the space between our lips and pulled me into a kiss. A beautiful kiss, a passionate kiss, a kiss full of love.

I tugged at his shirt, only breaking the kiss to pull it over his head. He did the same, leaving me clad only in a black lace bra and my jeans which were being disposed of now. A thong, bra, and boxers later, I was somehow moved from top to bottom. I felt him shift his wait. His thumb rubbed against my clit. I was barely coherent. He kissed me as he slid a finger or two into me. I savored the feel and bucked my hips trying to speed him up a bit. I was almost there and he stopped, smiling evilly at me. Oh babe, revenge is a bitch.

"You're so gonna pay for that. I was so close."

I crawled on top of him and settled between his legs. I took him into my mouth and sucked. I took him into my hands at the same time and once again being the multitasking person I am, I brought him to the edge and stopped.

"I was enjoying that." He said, not too happy that I stopped.

"You stopped too." And with that, I repeated my actions, bringing him close each time, only to stop a second too soon.

I smiled my evil smile at him. I could tell he was slightly…frustrated. Alright, maybe more than slightly.

Before I could wipe the grin off my face, he flipped me over and pinned me down.

"I need you, now."

"Take me." I challenged. And he did. In one thrust he sheathed himself fully inside me. I bucked into him wrapping my legs around him to let him deeper into me. His hips trust into me furiously and I felt myself getting close.

"Griss…" He cut me off with a kiss, muffling my voice. It worked. As I climaxed, his mouth muffled the screams that would have woken the little body not too far away. He pumped a few more times into me before climaxing, emptying himself into me. He collapsed next to me, both of us panting and sweating. He wrapped his arms around me and I dozed off. Yes, I could definitely get used to this.

A/N I thought I'd keep it light. And yes, the end is near, VERY near. It's sad I know. Review please. And yes, crappy smut, I'm sorry about that.


	30. Chapter 30

There are the memories that take your stone, shattered, ripped out, at war heart, and piece them back together. They are the memories that heal you and during the best of times, overpower all the other memories. They are the ones that make you smile and for a moment, forget the shame, regret, heart ache, and hatred. They shine through your soul and show you the better parts of life. The parts of life that keep you grounded to the Earth and make you ask why you thought of leaving in the first place. They are the memories that come with happiness and reside as the vanguard in your heart and mind for a long time. The best time of your life. And when the time passes, and all the bad things show their ugly faces again, all you need to do is look at the ones who love you and who stood by you when you needed them the most. Whether they are friends of family, just remember that they will always be there for you, even if you don't want or think you need them.

There was Kara. Kara, Brass, Nick, Greg, Catherine, Warrick, Grissom, and even Hank…the dog. They were my friends and my family. They all stood by me when I needed them and showed me a good time when I was down. And even though we argued, fought, formed alliances, and went to war, we were always together. Because you can't be a family without a good fight. But, just like any group of friends, once the dispute was over, we always made up with a few beers and some great stories. I have friends, ones who stuck with me when I was at my worst. And I have a family too. Something I never thought I would ever have. But in the end, I created a family around me, people to pull at my leg when we went out and people who needed me as much as I needed them. It is with them that I have the best times of my life with. And it is them that I gave my heart to. I gave my heart to them, and slowly, they're all piecing it back together.

I walked through the halls, dragging my feet. It had been a long shift, and I was more than eager to go home to the two people I loved the most. I made my way to the car and drove. I drove home and was attacked by Hank. I still tried to change his name whenever Kara wasn't home and I wasn't in bed with Grissom. It hasn't worked…yet.

It was quiet. Too quiet. That was a first.

"Hello?"

"Shh…" I heard being whispered. I turned my head to the hall. I saw Grissom. Who the hell could he have been shushing? Kara should still be at school.

"Hey."

"Sara."

He said Sara. Yes, it was my first name, but in the serious tone he said it in told me something was going on.

"We need to talk."

Talk? Didn't he say that when he found out about Kara? This can't be good.

"Alright."

He walked up to me, looked me straight in the eye.

"Sara, you know I love you, and I will love you forever."

Yes, I did know that.

"The first time I did this, I did it wrong. I loved you then, I just couldn't get myself to admit it."

…First time what? Admit what?

"Sara," he said, before kneeling on his knee.

OH MY FUCKING GOD! Was my first…coherent thought. Was he really proposing to me? Well, I do have to give him credit. This is better than the first time. The first time came with a custody battle. This one, this one came with love. And I was willing to accept that.

"Will you marry me?" he asked, pulling out a black velvet box, seemingly out of nowhere, and opening it, revealing a beautiful, sparkling diamond.

"Grissom…" I said seriously. After giving me a heart attack it was my turn. I took a long dramatic pause. When he looked like he was almost in a state of panic I finished my sentence. "Of course, I will marry you."

He looked relieved. I guess I really did have him scared. I helped him up and pulled him into a kiss. He slipped the ring onto my hand. It was then I heard an "Aww" from the hallway. I took Grissom's hand and led him to the hallway.

"Uhh…Sara, we can't…"

He probably thought I was dragging him to the bedroom, which I would gladly do later. I opened the door to the guest bedroom and was somehow showered with streamers.

"CONGRATULATIONS!!!" I heard shouted at me. It took me a second to realize it was the team plus Kara shouting. I smiled.

"Lemme see the ring." Catherine demanded, taking my hand before I could refuse.

"Geez, who knew Grissom, had such good taste?" Catherine said while admiring the ring. I pulled away and marched off to Greg.

"Give me."

"Give you what?" He asked, smiling innocently.

"I know you taped it, and I want it now."

"Not yet." He told me.

"Why not?"

"It's not finished uploading onto youtube yet."

Oh hell no. What happened to privacy? Well, two can play at that game Greggo.

"You really did that?"

"You bet." He smiled to me. Nick looked nervous.

I smiled. "Alright." I could tell it was not the reaction people expected, because the room turned silent. I left the room for a few minutes and came back with my laptop. I went onto the website and looked up the video. It was there.

"I think it's finished uploading." I told him.

Greg smiled wider. "No way to get it off now."

"Just like there's no way to take this off either." I tuned the screen for him to see.

His face turned to horror and embarrassment when he saw the video playing. It was the one of his date with the hobo. In the minute or so I was gone; I took the liberty to upload this video too. I wish I had a camera. I got my wish. I heard a click and saw a flash. When I turned around I saw my Kara holding the camera. She smiled, I smiled. I love my daughter.

Everybody laughed, as Greg begged me to remove the video. Everyone laughed even harder when I refused. Family and friends were good. They were good for you, being there when you needed them the most. And most importantly, they were good for creating memories with. Memories: something that will always be with you, and something that takes you through the good and the bad. But no matter how much you hate or love them at the moment, a memory will last forever, and in the long run, they create what and who you are.

A/N I said the end was soon, and I guess it really was soon. I hope you all enjoyed my little story. Thank you all, readers and reviewers. You guys all kept me writing and will keep me writing. THAT RIGHT!!! I'm going to start a new story soon, and I'm going to make it better than this one!!! But first, iI've got to figure out what my story is going to be :P Thanks again to all of you who left reviews and made my day...s.

perfectwolf


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